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Teaser Act 1 Act 2 Act 3 Act 4 Act 5
Episode #VS712


Boys Will Be Boys

Crossing Jordan Virtual Season 7

“Boys Will Be Boys”

Written by
Madambeth and jmkw

Art by
Harbor Runner


“Crossing Jordan Virtual Season 7” is a fan-based effort not intended to infringe on the rights of Tailwind Productions, NBC/Universal or any of the other copyright holders of “Crossing Jordan.” No money was made from the writing or posting of any content.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE


Woody Hoyt
Jordan Cavanaugh
Nigel Townsend
Garret Macy
Kate Switzer


Delinda Deline
DannyMcCoy
Roz Framus
Matt Seely
Mark McGrath
King Midas
Bartender
Dirty Bertie
Man
Woman
Santana
Kimberly Cooper
Treyson, young rapper
Brandon Malone

 

SET LIST

INTERIORS
JORDAN’S APARTMENT
KING MIDAS’S NIGHT CLUB
   BAR
   BALCONY
   OFFICE
   MEN’S RESTROOM
MORGUE
   FREIGHT ELEVATOR
   AUTOPSY ONE
   TRACE
   GARRET’S OFFICE
PRECINCT
   HALLWAY
   CONFERENCE ROOM
   BULL PEN
   INTERROGATION ROOM
   WOODY’S OFFICE
DENTAL OFFICE
JOE O’MALIA’S DINER
APARTMENT

EXTERIORS
EXTERIORS
LAS VEGAS-THE STRIP
BOSTON-JORDAN’S APARTMENT BUILDING
KING MIDAS’S DANCE CLUB-RED CARPET
ROXBURY-HOUSING PROJECT

TEASER


1. EXT. LAS VEGAS STRIP - NIGHT

We open with stock Las Vegas footage showing its party atmosphere.

The sound of jet aircraft flying overhead follows and takes us in a quick cut to:

2. EXT. JORDAN’S APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT

There is contrasting dead silence and the dark exterior of Jordan’s apartment building.

DELINDA
(voice over)
Midas doesn’t just throw a New Year’s party. He makes them an event you can only see this side of his infamous after-Grammy parties.

3. INTERIOR JORDAN’S APARTMENT - CONTINUING

DELINDA DELINE and DANNY McCOY are sitting cozily, comfortably on JORDAN’S sofa despite the fact they are dressed in costume Pimp and Ho. DELINDA looks radiant with her pregnant belly and high-end lingerie set. DANNY looks comfortable enough in his pimp outfit; were it not for the over-the-top details, he looks like he could be in a Details fashion spread. They are looking straight out into the room.


DANNY
(speaking out into the room)
If you don’t mind the paparazzi and screaming fans, it’s not bad. When Delinda heard about the party at his new Boston club it was a no brainer.

WOODY
(off camera)
You just had to come.

DELINDA
(snaps her fingers)
I just realized who he reminds me of. (to DANNY) Remember that guy in Starsky and Hutch?


Cut to WOODY who is sitting at the kitchen island trying to look like he’s as equally as comfortable as DANNY while dressed in an over the top 1970’s pimp costume that came straight out of a costume shop, but not quite pulling it off.

Huggy Bear

WOODY
(shifts uncomfortably)
Great. I’m going to walk my first red carpet looking like Huggy Bear.

WOODY straightens the oversized collar of his shirt, still trying to like he’s comfortable.

WOODY(cont’d)
Ah, thanks for the costumes by the way.

DELINDA stands up and walks over to WOODY to straighten his jacket lapels.

DELINDA
It was nothing. This is street wear in Vegas.

DELINDA links her arm with WOODY’S.

DELINDA
You’ll have a good time. I promise.

WOODY
So how do you know King Midas? I mean he’s a music icon.

DELINDA
(wave of the hand)
We used to live together.

WOODY
He’s your ex?

DELINDA nonchalantly fixes the drape of material over her belly.

DELINDA
It was during my groupie phase.

WOODY
(to DANNY)
And you’re okay with this?

DANNY
Why wouldn‘t I be? (glances back) What’s taking Jordan so long?

There is the sound of a whip being cracked coming from the bedroom followed by JORDAN’S chuckle.

WOODY
What the hell was that?


The door to the alcove opens and JORDAN walks out. She is dressed in a black latex dominatrix costume complete with cat of nine tails. She cracks the whip again.

Dominatrix

JORDAN
(murmurs)
Sweet…

JORDAN looks up.

JORDAN (cont’d)
Sorry. I had some trouble with the corset.

JORDAN adjusts the top in vain.

JORDAN (cont’d)
It still doesn’t feel right.

DELINDA approaches.

DELINDA
Here, let me check. (pause and then a nod) The laces are all twisted. Stand still and I’ll get them straightened out.

While DELINDA fixes JORDAN’S costume, DANNY and WOODY watch with barely disguised interest.

DANNY
(murmurs)
Mercy.

WOODY frowns in DANNY‘S direction.

WOODY
(grabs his keys)
Parking’s probably going to be a bear, even with police issue tags. We’d probably should get going.

DELINDA
(over JORDAN’S shoulder)
Midas’s sending a limo. It should be waiting downstairs by now.

WOODY
A limo?

DANNY
It’s better than riding in the back of your police car.

WOODY
I cleaned it out and everything.

DELINDA grabs DANNY by a gold chain around his neck and dances him to the door.

DELINDA
I bet it doesn’t have a bottle of Cristal on ice. Let’s go.

JORDAN slides next to WOODY.

JORDAN
Relax. This is going to be fun. (whispers in his ear) And Delinda said I could keep the chaps.

WOODY
(looks at the whip in JORDAN’S hand)
Just watch where you point that thing.

JORDAN flashes an enigmatic smile.

They all exit.



END OF TEASER

 
Crossing Jordan Theme

 

ACT 1



4 . INT. MORGUE FREIGHT ELEVATOR - NIGHT

ROZ FRAMUS and MATT SEELY enter via the elevator followed by NIGEL, who is rolling a gurney with body bag on it.

MATT
(to ROZ)
You’re a hypocrite.

ROZ
(to MATT)
I don’t have a problem with manufactured self-improvement. In fact, I thank God for the discovery of Botox every time I look in the mirror.

ROZ pulls a compact out of her bag and checks her face. NIGEL represses a chuckle that ROZ notices, causing her to snap the compact shut. With a snap.

ROZ (cont’d)
(addressing them both)
There’s a line between a little enhancement and looking like a damn freak show.

MATT
Says the woman dressed head to toe in pink suede.

NIGEL shrugs like he doesn’t see anything wrong with her outfit.

MATT(cont’d)
Which was probably originally modeled on the cat walk by a six foot four model who weighed a hundred pounds soaking wet.

MATT waves his hand up and down to point at ROZ’S outfit.

MATT
You can’t discriminate against a woman’s choice just because it doesn’t fit in your ideal of…attractiveness.

NIGEL
He’s right, you know.

ROZ
I don’t even know why I even bother. When it comes to boobs, that Y-chromosome turns men into virtual babies at an all-you-can-eat.

GARRET enters.

GARRET
This the pickup?

NIGEL
(to GARRET)
Gail Archie. She didn’t show up for work last night. A coworker stopped by her apartment this morning and found her dead in her bed.

GARRET
Any signs of foul play?

MATT
No.

GARRET
(to ROZ)
You disagree?

ROZ opened the body bag and we see a female with cartoonish overly large breasts. Each are the size of a basketball.

ROZ
I’d say there’s definitely something out of proportion here.

5. EXT. KING MIDAS’ CLUB, THE RED CARPET – A COUPLE HOURS BEFORE MIDNIGHT


The Extra! television show news feed comes on, along with the Extra! Extra! jingle. The Extra! logo is at the lower left corner of the screen. Cars are pulling up, costumed people are mugging for the cameras and onlookers.

MARK McGRATH
(voice over)
Chowder never looked so hot. Beantown got a taste of Sin City when hip-hop mogul, King Midas, was in town to ring in the New Year at his newest nightclub with one of his trademark Pimp and Ho throw downs.


KING MIDAS exits a limo in full pimp wear, flanked by an armful of gorgeous women.

King Midas

MARK McGRATH (cont’d)
(voice over)
King Midas, known for his flashy style and outspoken personality, has been taking a break from producing multi-platinum CDs to turn his golden touch on a chain of nightclubs to showcase upcoming talent. The newest jewel in his crown is here in Boston. The place to be tonight is not freezing your butt off in Times Square but showing it off here at King Midas’s New Year’s Eve bash…

There is a close up shot of DANNY and DELINDA posing for the paparazzi.
Sweet - Jay-Z

6. INT. NIGHTCLUB – STILL BEFORE MIDNIGHT

Music is loud, lights are flashing. People are crowded toward the dance floor dancing, drinking or just watching. DANNY and DELINDA are on the dance floor, dancing slowly and close even though the music is fast.

JORDAN and WOODY are at the bar. JORDAN is standing, enjoying the music and sights.

MIDAS is standing at a balcony looking down on the crowd. He looks down at JORDAN and lifts his pimp cup to her. JORDAN raises her own martini glass. Another person walks up to MIDAS and the eye contact is broken.

WOODY
He’s not like I thought he’d be.

JORDAN
What do you mean?

WOODY
He spent ten minutes telling us about his new bass boat.

JORDAN
So, he likes to fish. He says it keeps him grounded.

WOODY
It’s just… so ordinary.

JORDAN
Celebrities can be real people too.

The BARTENDER approaches.

BARTENDER
(matter-of-factly)
The guy at the end of the bar wants to buy you a drink… if you’ll agree to use your whip on him.


They all look down to the end of the bar. DIRTY BERTIE (from Crime and Punishment) is sitting there. He gives JORDAN a shy smile and raised hand wave. JORDAN returns it with a five fingered one of her own.

Dirty Bertie

JORDAN
Talk about an oxymoron.

WOODY
Is that who I think it is? How the hell did he get in here?

JORDAN
I can only assume… persistence.

BARTENDER
So what is it?

JORDAN looks at her half-empty martini glass.

JORDAN
You know, I could use…

WOODY
(interrupts)
She’s fine.

BARTENDER shrugs and walks away.

JORDAN
Don’t tell me you’re jealous of little Dirty Bertie?

WOODY
(laughs)
Of Bert, no. He’s probably been buying women drinks all-night looking for someone to play with. (sips his drink) At ten bucks a pop, I’m just thinking of his bank account.

JORDAN
(grins)
His bank account. Right.

WOODY
Okay, I kind of feel for the guy. He’s so…

JORDAN
Pathetically endearing?

WOODY nods in agreement. The MUSIC ends. DELINDA and DANNY start walking over.

DELINDA
(looks around the room)
I need to find the ladies room.

JORDAN
I think it’s upstairs. I’ll go with you.

JORDAN points to the end of the bar.

JORDAN (cont’d)
This way.

DELINDA nods. JORDAN leads the way. She stops beside DIRTY BERTIE and snaps him with her whip. JORDAN then leaves over him and whispers something in his ear. JORDAN and DELINDA walks away. DIRTY BERTIE downs his drink with a quiver.

DANNY
(surprised laughter)
What was that?

WOODY
(proud smile)
That’s my girl… She always did have a soft spot.

DANNY
Soft spot? She just smacked the crap out that guy and looked like she enjoyed doing it.

WOODY
Of course she liked it… and she probably just made ‘ol Bert’s year.

7. INT. CLUB BALCONY

At the balcony, MIDAS is no longer there. JORDAN and DELINDA walk along the rail. DELINDA blows the boys a kiss and JORDAN waves

We do a hard cut to JORDAN’S and DELINDA’S point of view, looking down at the boys from the balcony.


DELINDA
Do you know the guy you just assaulted or are you just getting into character?

They leave the rail looking for the restrooms.

JORDAN
I met him once. (smiles) A few years ago he asked if he could spank me. I was just returning the favor.

DELINDA
Sounds like fun.

JORDAN
He never got the chance. I was casting my line for something a little more dangerous at the time and had to throw him back.

DELINDA
(all ears)
Interesting… Please tell me that bigger fish was hot… like your detective, hot.

JORDAN
(wicked grin)
Oh, Woody was there… to watch.

They turn down a short hallway with two restroom doors on each side and an office door at the end. There is an amorous couple in the hallway obviously looking for a place to be alone. They are knocking on the office door. JORDAN and DELINDA exit into the ladies’ room without a second glance.

8. INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUING


WOMAN
(whispering)
Do you think it’s empty?

MAN
(kissing the back of the WOMAN’S neck)
There’s only one way to find out.

The MAN turns the door knob and smiles when he discovers it’s unlocked. He opens the door and pulls the WOMAN in.


9 . INT. MIDAS’ OFFICE – CONTINUING

The WOMAN trips. She looks down and screams. The MAN flips on the light. MIDAS is on the floor. There is a gash on his head and his bloody pimp cup is laying next to him.

WOMAN
Is he dead?!

MAN
I don’t know.

JORDAN and DELINDA rush in.

JORDAN
(to DELINDA)
Call 911!

JORDAN checks for a pulse.

 

END OF ACT ONE

 

 


ACT TWO


10. INT. HALLWAY 19th PRECINCT – MORNING

The camera stops at a conference room door and enters.

11. INT. PRECINCT CONFERENCE ROOM - MORNING

JORDAN is seated at a corner of the table. DELINDA is near her at one end of the long table while DANNY sits beside DELINDA with a hand over her own. He may be with her now, but she was once romantically linked to MIDAS and he recognizes this. WOODY leans with both hands on the table between them, looking over the case file.

WOODY glances between JORDAN and the file.

WOODY
So what you’re saying is, the pimp cup isn’t what killed him?

JORDAN shakes her head and lays out the autopsy report.

JORDAN
No, not by a long shot… the gash in his head might have needed a few stitches but I’m thinking the blow to the head was meant to incapacitate him. What killed him was this…

She points to a word in the report; DANNY, WOODY, and DELINDA all look surprised.

DELINDA
Duvetyn?

JORDAN
(nods)
It’s a smooth, lustrous velvety fabric… and he was smothered with it.

Confused stares from the other three.

JORDAN(cont’d)
I found traces in his mouth, eyelashes, but most importantly in that wound on his head which tells us-

DANNY
-That whatever it was that smothered him was pressed to his face after he was clocked.

JORDAN
(nodding)
Exactly.

She and DANNY share a smile which WOODY doesn’t appreciate.

WOODY
(rolling his eyes, sighs)
That’s all well and good, Jordan, but it wasn’t at the scene. Whoever smothered him with this..Duv..e…whatever, took it with them after they killed King Midas.

DANNY
(matter-of-factly)
Right, so if we find the fabric, we find the killer.

WOODY
(irritated)
Hot damn! Look at the man from Vegas with all the answers here will ya?

WOODY smirks as he moves to stand right over DANNY, looking down at him.

WOODY (cont’d)
So, I have to ask, Danny, do your murder suspects there in Vegas often just… show up, murder weapon in hand and give you their signed confession?

DANNY
(calmly)
Just trying to be helpful… butterbean.

DANNY smirks back up at WOODY.

JORDAN puts her hands up between the boys to separate them.

JORDAN
Okay, easy boys, wouldn’t want anyone to die of sarcasm overdose here. Delinda, you used to date this guy. Can you think of anyone who would want him dead?

All eyes are on DELINDA who folds her arms over her chest and shifts uncomfortably.

DELINDA
You mean besides any number of business rivals? (sighs and shrugs) There’s a few Vegas underworld slime balls that would like a piece of him, I’m sure.

WOODY sighs and rubs the back of his head as he closes the file in front of him and reaches for another.

WOODY
Well, I’ve got the guest list from last night… we’ll start there.

WOODY waves the list and starts for the door.

WOODY (cont’d)
But who knows with these things? People not on the list always seem to make it in.

DANNY
(rising)
See? Now we’re thinking on the same wavelength. I was just going to ask where the guest list was. We should start with people who knew Midas personally first and-

WOODY cuts him off, stopping in the doorway abruptly and turning with a hand on DANNY’S chest.

WOODY
Whoa!

He smiles with all of the phony politeness he can muster.

WOODY (cont’d)
What exactly makes you think you should be involved with this case?

DANNY rolls his eyes.

WOODY (cont’)
This isn’t Vegas, McCoy. You’re just a tourist here.

WOODY slaps DANNY hard on the shoulder.

WOODY (cont’d)
Why don’t you just hang here with the girls? Leave the real police work to me.

JORDAN raises a hand and offers him a similarly fake smile.

JORDAN
‘Scuse me… Detective? (beat) ‘Why don’t you just hang here with the girls?’

DELINDA raises an eyebrow and sits back in her chair with a challenging grin.

WOODY looks clueless and DANNY shakes his head.

DANNY
Oooo hooo hooo. You’re sleepin’ a-lone tonight, my friend.

WOODY throws him a less than savory look and looks back to the girls, trying to figure out what he said.

JORDAN
And what makes you think the ‘girls’ can’t solve this case just as fast as the boys?

WOODY opens and closes his mouth several times, looks to DANNY who raises a hand as if to say ‘you’re on your own, dude’ and then throws JORDAN a thousand watt smile.

WOODY
I… I didn’t say that. Did I say that?

DANNY again refuses to be made a part of it.

DELINDA stands up and joins Jordan so that the girls are nearly standing nose to nose with their male counterparts.

DELINDA
Maybe a friendly wager is in order.

JORDAN raises a hand and taps WOODY’S cheek once, hard.

JORDAN
(smirks)
Oh, I think that would be an excellent idea.

DANNY looks like he is wondering how he got into this.

DANNY
Take it easy, girls. Now about this wager…

He trails looks at WOODY out of the corner of his eye.

DANNY (cont’d)
… what do we get if we win?

JORDAN and DELINDA look at each other and shrug.

JORDAN waves her hand matter-of-factly. She doesn’t expect to lose anyway.

JORDAN
Use your imagination.

WOODY nods. This will be a piece of cake.

WOODY
And if you…?

JORDAN and DELINDA share a look.

DELINDA
We’ll let you know

The note of finality in her words makes the boys squirm a little.

Camera cuts to four hands reaching out to shake on it. It’s a deal.


12. INT. GARRET’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON

The camera pans over Garret’s desk where we see Garret on the phone.

GARRET
No.

He turns in his chair and looks out the window.

GARRET (cont’d)
Seely, listen.

He turns back to the desk and leans back, pinching the bridge of his nose a moment.

GARRET (cont’d)
This is a morgue, not the side show at Barnum and Bailey’s.

GARRET hangs up the phone, resumes pinching his nose and closes his eyes. We see JORDAN leaning in the doorway.

JORDAN
(smirks)
Seely trying to get his buddies tickets to see the lady with the giant ta ta’s?

 

Talking

GARRET
Instead of trying to solve this woman’s case, everyone is running around like a bunch of horny teens at a peep show.

JORDAN
(grinning)
Having fond memories of your misspent youth, Gar?

GARRET
(deep suffering sigh)
Not you, too. What happened to respect for the dead… all that stuff.

JORDAN points a thumb towards the crypt.

JORDAN
Are you kidding me man? In case of a water landing just one of those puppies could be used as a flotation device. What I can’t believe is that you aren’t more opinionated about this case.

JORDAN sits down on the edge of his desk and folds her arms.

GARRET
(patented tight smiles)
It’s my job to be neutral.

JORDAN raises one eyebrow but says nothing.

GARRET
(finally cracks)
You forget I once lived in the same house with a wife and a daughter? I know which topics are safe and which are not. And in my… experience, breasts, unless on a chicken, are off limits.

JORDAN pats him on the shoulder.

JORDAN
And that’s why you’re the head honcho around here.

She sees NIGEL passing by the door and hops to her feet.

JORDAN shouts over her shoulder as she takes off in pursuit of NIGEL.

JORDAN (cont’d)
Hey, keep me updated on the Hooters employee of the year.

13. INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUING

NIGEL
Jordan, I don’t have time to play ‘judge the jugs’ right now. The DA’s been bugging the life out of me for a DNA result since last week and I…

NIGEL begins to pick up his pace. JORDAN links her arm around his to stop him.

JORDAN
(singsong)
Guess who’s back in town?
Love Theme from Romeo & Juliet - Tchaikovsky

NIGEL starts to replay the part about the DA breathing down his neck. JORDAN puts a hand over his mouth and nods.

JORDAN
Delinda Deline.

NIGEL pushes JORDAN’S hand away.

NIGEL
Delinda? Delinda is here? Right now?

JORDAN
Well, she was at the police station last I saw her but I did tell her that you’d just love it if she stopped by for a visit. How much do you love me?

NIGEL
Delinda Deline.

NIGEL shakes his head and looks off nostalgically.

 

END OF ACT TWO

 


ACT THREE


14. INT. POLICE BULL PEN – EARLY AFTERNOON

DANNY stands next to the coffee pot. There is a plate of leftover Christmas cookies at his elbow. The cookies are picked over, leaving only crumbs and broken pieces. DANNY looks worn out. He pours himself a cup of coffee. Instead of drinking it, he looks at it like it’s toxic waste.

WOODY enters.

WOODY
I have my guys going through the witness list.


WOODY grabs his own coffee cup and fills it. DANNY watches in amazement as WOODY adds his creamer and sugar.

DANNY
Wha’d’ya’ mean?

WOODY
To explain it in security guard terms, I have a group of officers interviewing everybody that was at the club last night.

DANNY
Gee, as a hotel president, I thought that was the detective’s job.

WOODY
There were 400 people there last night. We need an edge. Jordan doesn’t like to lose. Neither do I.

DANNY
Wouldn’t that be cheating?

WOODY
There is no cheating in good, effective police legwork. So far, they’ve narrowed down the list to a few that had both motive and a shaky alibi.

DANNY
Knowing King Midas, that would leave half the people in the room.

WOODY
I said effective police legwork.

WOODY hands DANNY a sheet of paper.

DANNY
There are only, what? six names on this list… including mine?

WOODY
(frowns)
Oversight.

He takes paper out of DANNY’S hand, scribbles out DANNY’S name and puts in DELINDA’S

DANNY
You’ve got to be kidding.

WOODY
The ex who discovers the body…

DANNY
She was only out sight for five minutes and Jordan was with her the entire time!

WOODY
You have to admit hormones do strange things to women… especially pregnant women.

DANNY grabs the pen out of WOODY’S hand and scribbles out DELINDA’S name.

DANNY
I’m beginning to think you got your badge from a cereal box.

WOODY
(sips his coffee)
Fine. She was low on my suspect list anyway.

 

Coffee Break

DANNY
That’s comforting. (pause) How can you drink that stuff? My stomach hurts just thinking about it.

WOODY
(smirks)
The iron stomach came in the same box as the badge.

SANTANA enters carrying a fax.

SANTANA
I just got off the phone with Midas’ lawyer.

DANNY looks at SANTANA likes he’s seen a ghost. SANTANA gives him a weird look and addresses WOODY.

SANTANA (cont’d)
We can rule out money as a motive.

WOODY
The King’s touch wasn’t so golden?

SANTANA
On the contrary, Midas Records is one of the few labels that is still making a fortune and so far all of his clubs are cash cows. (beat) His total worth put your dead music man in the same stratosphere as Oprah.

WOODY
Sounds like motive enough for me.

SANTANA
If you’re Al Gore maybe.

WOODY
What d’you mean?

SANTANA
For a guy in the prime of life he was into making sure his will was up to date. The last one was filed less than a month ago.

She hands WOODY the fax.

SANTANA (cont’d)
Everything… right down to his Rolex has been willed to the Fish and Wildlife Preservation Society and a few other green activists.

WOODY
(To DANNY)
D’you know about this?

DANNY
No… but the man liked his catfish.

WOODY looks confused. DANNY stares at SANTANA again.

SANTANA
According to the lawyer, the folks at Fish and Wildlife had no idea they were in line for a windfall. Something about the Midas image and all that. (irritated to DANNY) Do I know you?

DANNY
(Embarrassed)
No. No, you just remind me of …someone I work with. That’s all.

SANTANA
(looking down her nose at DANNY)
Yeah, well, I catch you checking to see if my butt looks like “someone you work with” I’m going to arrest you for harassment.

DANNY clears his throat and grins.

SANTANA (cont’d)
(to WOODY)
Okay. I made your phone calls, Hoyt. You’re covering for me for this Saturday night, right?

WOODY
That was the deal.

SANTANA
Don’t forget.

SANTANA leaves.

DANNY
You bribed her to do your leg work?

WOODY
To win a bet with Jordan where the prize is my choice… I’ll do just about anything.

15. INT. TRACE - EARLY AFTERNOON

NIGEL and DELINDA are sitting at a computer. NIGEL is working enthusiastically and DELINDA is beaming. They’re talking with lots of animation.

Together Again

JORDAN is running tests a few feet away. Enter GARRET. He looks at DELINDA like he’s not surprised to her in his lab.

GARRET
Pretty soon we’re going to have to issue her an employee badge.

JORDAN
I wouldn’t say that too loud. I think Nigel has already decided on trying to keep Delinda here and raising Danny’s baby as his own.

GARRET
Anything new on the case?

JORDAN nods to DELINDA, who has taken NIGEL’S hand and placed it on her belly to feel the baby kick.

JORDAN
They’ve been going over the surveillance tapes from the club to see if anything sticks out.

GARRET
(grins)
It looks like either an elbow or foot from what I can tell from here. Don’t work her too hard, Jor. She’s sleuthing for two.

JORDAN looks at DELINDA with a faraway look on her face.

GARRET (cont’d)
Did I say something…?

JORDAN
(self-conscious grin)
No. It’s just I always thought Danny and Delinda would be the last two people on the planet to start a family. (pause) Outside of ...

GARRET
I’m sure when the time is right you’ll have one of your own.

JORDAN
(snorts)
What’s this change of heart? It wasn’t that long ago you questioned my lack of parenting skills.

GARRET
I just questioned your motives taking in Kayla after her father’s murder. This is different. (stops and grins) You can’t tell me the subject has never come up.

JORDAN
Not if I can help it. Up to this point, I’ve been able to avoid that particular conversation.

GARRET
I’m sure you’ve thought about it.

JORDAN
Kids? Yeah, every time another birthday passes.

GARRET
It’s not too late. You’re still young enough to have an entire infield if you want it.

JORDAN
(snorts)
An infield! No, thanks.

JORDAN looks at DELINDA again with a mixture of jealousy and embarrassment.

JORDAN (cont’d)
I’ll leave the stretch marks to Delinda.

GARRET
You really shouldn’t shut the door on the idea.

JORDAN
The talk would never be something simple as “the clock’s ticking, babe.”

JORDAN holds up her left hand.

JORDAN (cont’d)
There’d be too many strings attached.

JORDAN drops her hand and tries to look like she trying to concentrate on her work

JORDAN (cont’d)
He’s the kind of guy who’d want the ring first.

GARRET
(chuckles)
And…?

JORDAN
A kid might not turn out too bad with him as a father… but can you really see me as a dutiful little wife? I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

JORDAN is interrupted by NIGEL.

NIGEL
(grinning)
Jordan, I think we may have found something.

JORDAN and GARRET go over to the NIGEL and DELINDA. NIGEL types on the keyboard and points to the big monitor on the wall.

DELINDA
Nigel suggested we go over the security footage to double check the invitation list.

The monitor shows a fast forwarded parade of people being checked though a security check point just off the red carpet and entrance. They see WOODY, JORDAN, DANNY, and DELINDA on film.


NIGEL
I must say you looked smashing, my dear.

DELINDA rocks back and forth on her seat with a smug smile. JORDAN rolls her eyes.

JORDAN
You said you found something.

DELINDA
Right...

She clicks a few buttons, stopping the film.

DELINDA (cont'd)
… here.

On the screen is a scantily dressed young woman. She looks like she’s talking to someone just off the screen. JORDAN steps forward to look at the screen more closely.

JORDAN
Am I supposed to recognize her?

DELINDA
Kimberly Cooper. She’s a Patriot’s cheerleader. One of five that were on the list last night.

She frowns and looks at a paper on a clipboard.

DELINDA (cont’d)
All five are on Woody’s list of people to talk to.

JORDAN
(rolls her lips)
Figures. Who is she talking to?

NIGEL clicks a computer button.

NIGEL
That, my love, is the sixty-four thousand dollar question…

The security film advances and we see a dark cloaked male come into screen. The woman is talking to him and they both turn to walk inside. There is brief moment when the man looks at the camera. NIGEL freezes the frame.

DELINDA
(jumps)
I know that costume!

DELINDA waddles over to another computer. She pulls up a costume website and pulls up the costume the man is wearing. They all read the page. DELINDA is bouncy.

JORDAN
What is it made of?

NIGEL
(smiles)
100% Duvetyn

DELINDA
I gotta pee.

16. INT. DENTAL OFFICE - MID AFTERNOON

The sounds of drills, suction equipment, and occasional moan drown out JORDAN and DELINDA talking to the receptionist. She points them back to the last chair. The cheerleader from the party is there, dressed in multicolored scrubs. She’s cleaning a patient’s teeth.

JORDAN
Miss Cooper?

JORDAN flashes her i.d quickly, so she looks official but the hygienist doesn’t get a close look.

KIMBERLY
(looks up)
I already talked to a detective this morning. (to PATIENT) Rinse please.

JORDAN
(smiles)
Just a couple follow-up questions.

KIMBERLY
Make it quick. (going back to work on PATIENT) I’m already behind schedule.

JORDAN
Did you go to the party alone last night?

KIMBERLY
No… I was there with a few of the other girls. As franchise employees, we have to do so many of these public appearances. (to PATIENT) Open wider please. (to JORDAN) My boss is great about my second job… but these things were all starting to interfere with my day job.

From another chair, the dentist, a middle aged man, looks up and frowns under his medical mask. KIMBERLY scrambles to complete her cleaning.

DELINDA pulls out a still of the girl and the mystery guy.

DELINDA
Could you tell us who this is?

KIMBERLY
(glances at the photo)
Him? What was his name? I think it started with a B or a G. I can’t remember.

JORDAN
You looked awfully chummy for not knowing him.

JORDAN points to the picture. Kimberly has her arm around the guy’s shoulders.

KIMBERLY
(rolls her eyes)
He was one of those contest winner jerks. On a whole these guys are nice…

JORDAN
But this one wasn’t?

KIMBERLY
Maybe. He was just weird… you know… Not perverted or anything, it’s just… these appearances are glorified photo-ps (beat) and what guy doesn’t want his picture taken with a few cheerleaders to brag to his friends about. (pause) Once we got inside the club, this guy took off. Our PR person never did track him down… try talking to her.

JORDAN
We will.

17. INT. PRECINCT HALLWAY - MID AFTERNOON

WOODY, DANNY and ROZ FRAMUS are walking down a crowded hallway.

WOODY
Are you sure?

ROZ
(sarcastic)
Am I sure? The guy confessed. He said he tried to give Midas a demo tape. Midas told him to send it to his corporate office. They argued and then he killed him.

WOODY
Just like that?

ROZ
I just handed you your murderer and this is the thanks I get?

DANNY
Did he say how?

ROZ
I just brought him in, Crockett. You and Tubbs can take it from here. Break time is over I need to go make sure Seely isn’t cruising porno sites instead of researching polypropylene implants.

DANNY laughs out loud and pantomimes a huge chest. ROZ is not amused.

ROZ
(hisses)
You men are all alike.

WOODY
Anything new on the case?

ROZ
Nothing. Her apartment is clean. Her online peepshow has a list of perverts a mile long registered as members, but I say she just accidentally smothered herself to death.

WOODY
Website?

ROZ
Her web name was Maxi Melons.

WOODY
(laughs)
What?

ROZ gives him the evil eye. WOODY goes silent.

DANNY
Death by boobs? Sounds like something that would only happen in Vegas.

ROZ
We’ll see. Garret has the autopsy scheduled for later this afternoon.

ROZ continues down the hallway. WOODY opens the door to the Interrogation Room. They step inside.


18. INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUING

Angry looking TREYSON is sitting in a chair.


TREYSON
(without looking up)
I killed the S.O.B.

WOODY smiles at DANNY. They give each other a mental high five.

TREYSON
Get me a lawyer!

19. INT. WOODY’S OFFICE – EARLY EVENING

JORDAN and DELINDA let themselves in. JORDAN smiles at finding the office empty.

JORDAN
Well, they’re not here.

DELINDA
We need to tell them what we found. That was the deal… we look into it and tell Woody so he can do the… (waves her hand) police thing.

JORDAN
Yeah, yeah…I know the rules… Cop, coroner, cop coroner, I swear I can hear it in my sleep.

Unable to help herself, JORDAN begins to nose around on WOODY’S desk top.

JORDAN (cont’d)
But it wouldn’t hurt to see what they’ve got so far…

WOODY pushes open the door. JORDAN steps away from the desk.

WOODY
You won’t find anything there. It’s over anyway. We got him.

JORDAN
Brandon Malone. Our mystery red carpet guy.

WOODY
Who?

JORDAN
The murderer.

DANNY
(snaps his fingers)
Malone? Malone, Malone. Wasn’t he the kid from the bathroom?

DELINDA
Bathroom?

WOODY
He was cleared last night. He won some contest. He’s just a kid that found himself in front of an open bar. He was in the bathroom throwing up during the murder.

JORDAN
Are you sure?

WOODY
We got the guy who did it down the hall. He confessed to hitting Midas with the cup…

DELINDA
Why?

DANNY
Midas wouldn’t listen to his music and he didn’t want to take no for an answer.

JORDAN
What evidence do you have?

WOODY
We have a confession. That’s good enough.

JORDAN
Get me the murder weapon and I’ll buy it.

WOODY
Give it up, Jordan. Why would a drunk kid, like Malone, kill the guy hosting the party of a lifetime?

JORDAN
Maybe he blamed Midas for getting him sick… I don’t know. I just know that Malone was covered from head to toe in Duvetyn last night.

 

END OF ACT THREE

 

 

ACT FOUR


20. EXT. NIGHT CLUB—NIGHT

Police tape has taken the place of the velvet ropes leading to the door. There is a RESTRICTED POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS sign on the door but that’s never stopped JORDAN before.

Crime Scene

We see a hand come up as she pushes the door open and DELINDA waddles in behind her.

DELINDA looks nervously behind her as she shuts the heavy door.

DELINDA
Should we really be in here without Woody?

JORDAN flicks on her flashlight.

JORDAN
We - uh… we have an agreement of sorts…

She looks back at DELINDA who doesn’t look so convinced; JORDAN shrugs.

JORDAN (cont’d)
No.

She pauses to shine the light around the empty club.

JORDAN (cont’d)
But in my defense, I’m rarely capable of following rules.

DELINDA follows JORDAN across the main dance floor and continues to look around as if she expects to be caught at any moment.

DELINDA
I, on the other hand, happen to find the rules comforting.

She pauses as JORDAN waves a hand for her to follow back to the bathroom area.

DELINDA (cont’d)
They’re usually put in place to keep us safe.

She jumps and screams when she catches her own reflection in the mirror behind the bar across the room.

JORDAN grabs her own chest and turns to look at DELINDA with a ‘chill out’ raise of her eyebrows.

DELINDA (cont’d)
(shakily)
Like now. This place is not safe… I mean what if the killer comes back here to try and destroy evidence or… or something.

JORDAN
We’re going to be in and out… five minutes tops. There’s nothing to worry about… (under her breath ) I hope…

JORDAN looks around and smiles as DELINDA starts looking over her shoulder double time as they approach the men’s room door.

DELINDA
Oh, gross!

She makes a face as JORDAN pushes the men’s room door open and they both enter.

DELINDA looks around like she’s afraid to touch anything.

DELINDA (cont’d)
The men’s room?

JORDAN looks excited as she waves a hand around the dirty room.

JORDAN
The men’s bathroom is a forensics wet dream… no pun intended.

JORDAN snaps on some gloves and pulls a collection kit out of the bag she’s carrying across her chest.

JORDAN puts on goggles and holds up a blue light with a smile.

JORDAN
(brightly)
Bad aim, they don’t wash their hands… guys leave more evidence of destruction in their wake in here than Godzilla did through Tokyo.

DELINDA
I don’t think I want to see this. (Her color is draining a little and she touches her mouth with her fingertips as if she’s resisting throwing up.)

JORDAN hands DELINDA goggles and a little jar of Vicks to sniff to ease her nausea.

JORDAN
Better put these on. This place is gonna light up like the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center.

JORDAN grins and flicks on the light.

DELINDA puts on the goggles and glances around as she holds the jar of Vicks to her nose.

DELINDA
Oh, that is just disgusting…

She squints her eyes and then peeks one open.

DELINDA (cont’d)
Oh God, is that puke? (points near a stall) If that’s puke, I’m gonna puke… I can’t see puke right now!

She panics as she starts for the door.

JORDAN smiles as she moves to the stall.

JORDAN
Well then, you better get moving… because according to the witness reports, this is DNA that may put ... someone in this bathroom … right before … or after the murder.

She holds up a collection tube triumphantly. DELINDA bolts out of the room, making gagging noises.

21. INT. 19th PRECINCT INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT


WOODY walks around a table where the young man who has confessed to MIDAS’ murder is sitting rigidly, trying to look tough. DANNY leans against one edge of the table, arms crossed and rubbing the bridge of his nose with his pointer finger and thumb. They all look like they’ve been there a while.

WOODY (sighs, irritated)
Now, let me get this straight, Treyson…

WOODY stops to pick up a file with the young man’s signed confession.

WOODY (cont’d)
You killed Midas by hitting him on the head with his pimp cup.

He pauses and looks the gangly kid over.

WOODY (cont’d)
But I’ve gotta say, you must be packin’ some SERIOUS power in those string beans you’ve got hanging from your shoulders to have been able to kill him with one clock on the head….

WOODY reaches out to pinch the kid’s arm lightly through the sleeve of his hoodie. TREYSON pulls it back angrily.

TREYSON puts on his best gangsta voice.

TREYSON
I did kill him, a’ight! I said I done it and I did it, fool!

DANNY stands from his perch against the table.

DANNY
Whoa, tough guy!

DANNY puts his hands up defensively and looks at WOODY. They share a chuckle at the kid’s expense, trying to get him angry enough to tell the truth.

DANNY (cont’d)
We’re just trying to get the story straight here…

DANNY pauses, then quickly delves right back into the events at the club per the kid’s confession… plus a little extra information to try to trip him up.

DANNY (cont’d)
So you hit him with the cup, grabbed your pretty black Duvetyn scarf, smothered him and then left…

DANNY shrugs in a ‘no problem’ way and looks to WOODY who is fighting a smile. TREYSON is suddenly uncomfortable because he’s shown surprise at the ‘new’ information.

TREYSON
That… that’s right man, I… I str… I hit him, smothered him and then… I… I…

His tough guy façade begins to fade.

WOODY sighs and sits down beside TREYSON at the table, now sympathetic.

WOODY
(softly)
You didn’t kill anyone, Treyson. Why would you want people to think you did it?

Looking between DANNY and WOODY, TREYSON shifts uncomfortably in his seat for a few moments before he answers.

TREYSON
(quietly)
Snoop, Diddy, 2Pac, DMX… all the top dawgs, they all had their mug shots out there… I seen ‘em online…

WOODY looks unbelievingly at DANNY then back to TREYSON as he leans in closer to the young man.


WOODY
Are you telling me you did this to further your career in the music industry?

We can already see the disappointment in WOODY’S eyes as he realizes he doesn’t have his man.

TREYSON shifts again and finally shrugs.

TREYSON
I guess…

DANNY shakes his head.

DANNY
(to WOODY)
The future leaders of our country, man. And you try to tell me Las Vegas is full of dumbasses…

He scratches the back of his head and crosses to the window, disgusted.

TREYSON
I ain’t a dumbass, yo!

TREYSON stands and thumps his fists on the table. WOODY groans and puts his hands on the kid’s shoulders and pushes him back into his chair.

WOODY
Okay, okay, T-Bone

WOODY moves to the door with DANNY right behind him.

TREYSON
(nervously)
Wait…s - so what’re you gonna do with me?

DANNY smiles at WOODY who smirks back and nods.

DANNY
Oh, we’re not going to do anything, Treyson...

WOODY
(nodding)
We’re going to leave your fate up to your mother… (looks at his watch) …who should be here in about 15 minutes.

TREYSON
(looks sick)
Ya’ll called Moms?

He visibly gulps and looks panicked.

TREYSON (cont’d)
Aw snap, she’s gonna kill me!

WOODY and DANNY leave, shutting the door behind them.

DANNY
(smiles)
Somehow I think he’s going to wish he DID kill Midas by the time his ‘Moms’ gets done with him.

WOODY sighs as they start down the hallway.

WOODY
In the meantime, we still need to find the real murderer…

They push through the swinging frosted doors at the end of the hall.

WOODY (cont’d)
…Dawg.

Isn't She Lovely - Stevie Wonder
22. INT. TRACE EVIDENCE - MORNING

The camera focuses on NIGEL’S face. He is smiling dreamily

The camera pulls back from NIGEL to reveal JORDAN and DELINDA standing in the room in front of him. Both are talking but NIGEL only hears Stevie singing as he watches DELINDA’S lips move.

The Music stops suddenly and NIGEL shakes his head when JORDAN repeats his name three times before finally clapping her hands in front of his face.


NIGEL
(irately to JORDAN)
What?... What?... Bloody Hell, what?

JORDAN rolls her eyes and points at the computer.

JORDAN
The puke we brought in? You were running tests on it all morning...

NIGEL’S face clearly says ‘so what?

JORDAN (cont’d)
We aren’t just here for you to…

She looks at the back of DELINDA’S head and raises her eyebrows

JORDAN (cont’d)
This is Trace evidence.

NIGEL frowns and turns to the computer where he begins typing.

NIGEL
Right, well… it’s still processing. I ran some tests earlier to tell me what was in it…

He smiles at JORDAN, then more widely at DELINDA.

NIGEL (cont’d)
…and from what I gather that must have been SOME party, vodka, rum, triple sec.

He clucks and shakes his head.

NIGEL (cont’d)
Some blokes never learn, mixing drinks always leads to praying to the porcelain god…

NIGEL shares a laugh with DELINDA as JORDAN shakes her head and folds her arms.

DELINDA smiles and rubs her distended belly.

DELINDA
Well, I wouldn’t know about mixing drinks right now.

NIGEL
(sweetly)
Of course not, an intelligent, responsible gal like you…you’d never even dream of putting your sweet little bundle in harm’s way…

NIGEL reaches out to rub her belly with a smile and DELINDA laughs when the baby kicks. They both begin excitedly searching for another kick as KATE enters the room.

KATE
(irritated)
I didn’t get the memo that the Lamaze class had been moved to Trace.

NIGEL pulls his hand back and looks embarrassed.

NIGEL
Um, right, test results… besides the alcohol I also found a chemical called Sodium Xylene Sulfonate-

JORDAN
-Which is?

NIGEL starts to answer but DELINDA is already nodding.

DELINDA
It’s a chemical found commonly in industrial deodorizers and air fresheners. It’s used by restaurants, bars, night clubs... in bathrooms. So nothing unusual there really. The deodorizer is sprayed on the floor… someone pukes on the floor… it mixes with the deodorizer and… voila.

She shrugs.

KATE looks impressed.

KATE
What Nigel, with his… distraction, has failed to point out…


She rolls her eyes towards him.

NIGEL gets defensive as he sees what KATE is looking at on the computer screen.

NIGEL
I was just getting to that-

KATE
… is that the person who vomited in the men’s bathroom was, in fact, a woman.

JORDAN raises her eyebrows and DELINDA shrugs.

NIGEL
(shaking his head)
What… kind of club did this Vegas chap open exactly, Delinda?

DELINDA
(smiles and shrugs)
Nothing too out of the ordinary for him. When I was living with Midas he was really into whips and black leather, bondage…

She looks off, remembering fondly.


NIGEL tries to stand and almost falls off his chair.

NIGEL
Sweet Nancy…

JORDAN
(unfazed, to KATE)
Female, huh?

KATE
(nodding)
Female.

23. INT. JOE O’MALIA’S DINER- LUNCH TIME

WOODY and DANNY sit in a booth. WOODY is watching in amazement as DANNY chows down on a big greasy burger and a pile of cheese fries.

WOODY
(disgusted)
Dude, just because you’re becoming a father doesn’t mean you need to… to let yourself go like this...

He waves a hand over the table.

DANNY shakes his head as he chews and swallows.

DANNY
Are you kidding? (wipes his mouth) Since Delinda’s been pregnant she never lets me eat junk like this.

WOODY
(smirking)
So she just… just tells you what to do and… and you do it then huh?

He nods slowly then pretends to cough.

WOODY
(cough)
Whipped!

He coughs again.

DANNY looks around the diner before he leans over towards WOODY.

DANNY
(laughing softly)
Okay, yeah… sure… ‘cause I’m sure Jordan’s never told you what to do.

WOODY sits back and folds his arms with a smile.

WOODY
Ha, ha. For your information, Jordan does not tell me what to do…

He opens and closes his mouth a few times before he continues.

WOODY (cont’d)
She just… uh… she just ignores me when I tell her what to do.

He frowns as he realizes what he’s said is actually worse than JORDAN telling him what to do.

DANNY smiles and starts on his fries, sliding them to the middle of the table to share.

DANNY
What’s up with you two? Is it serious?

WOODY eats a few fries before he answers.

WOODY
I don’t know, man. If… uh… if it were up to me, there’d be a ring on her finger sooner rather than later…

DANNY stuffs more fries in his mouth.

DANNY
But…?

WOODY sighs and sits back in the booth.

WOODY
It’s complicated… There’s a lot of… of trust issues with Jordan. (beat, nods) Tread lightly.

He leans over and grabs another fry.

WOODY (cont’d)
That’s my plan right now.

DANNY (sipping his soda)
It’s a good plan… Jordan’s a pretty tough nut to crack.

WOODY cocks his head to the side.

WOODY
Are you calling my girlfriend a nut?

DANNY raises his eyebrows in an ‘oops’ kind of way.

DANNY
(shrugs)
All women are nuts.

WOODY shrugs as well. He can’t disagree.

WOODY
So what about you and Delinda? I mean, obviously it’s serious.

He mimes a pregnant belly.

DANNY flicks a crumb off the table.

DANNY
Same. Treading lightly… I mean, we don’t really… we don’t talk much about what happens after the baby is born.

WOODY takes another fry and raises his eyebrows.

WOODY
Don’t you think you maybe should… start… talking...?

He thinks of how big DELINDA is.

WOODY (cont’d)
Soon?

DANNY looks a little flustered and another fry goes to his mouth.

DANNY
I guess you’re right. (pause.) We’ve had our wild days… now there’s going to be a baby…

WOODY
(dejectedly)
Speaking of wilder days, you know we’re going to lose this bet over who killed Delinda’s… golden touch, rapper-ex right?

DANNY
(shrugs)
Maybe we should take another look at their suspect.

WOODY (scoffs)
The guy’s a pantywaist. Besides, we’re the ones with investigative backgrounds here, not them and…

He looks at DANNY, who is wincing. They have no choice but to look at the guy.

WOODY (cont’d)
All right. (pause) Fine, we’ll take a look at him.

WOODY starts to raise his hand for the check. DANNY reaches out to push WOODY’S hand down.

DANNY
(smiling)
After… one… more basket of fries.

WOODY laughs as the waitress brings another basket.

WOODY
(cough)
Whipped!

DANNY tosses a fry at him which WOODY deflects with a laugh.

 

END OF ACT FOUR

 

 

ACT FIVE

 

24. INT. AUTOPSY ONE - AFTERNOON

GARRET is standing over the body of Gail Archie, tying off a suture on her Y-incision.

GARRET
That concludes the autopsy of Gail Archie. Doctor Garret Macy, Medical Examiner, presiding.


GARRET clicks off the recorder with his foot and covers the body with a sheet. We turn to see MATT and ROZ standing at the far end of the room.

ROZ
(to MATT)
Baffles the mind… doesn’t it.

MATT
What?

ROZ
How the heck he can sew around those things without popping one?

MATT looks away from the scene before him and at ROZ, incredulously.

ROZ
(cont’d with a shrug)
Polypropylene implants were too good to be true when they were invented. An implant that uses your own body’s fluids to continuously engorge the tissues (cups her hands out from her own breasts farther and farther) until one day … KAPPOW!

MATT
Her boobs didn’t kill her.

ROZ
You heard Garret. Those knockers clocked in at twelve K… each. That’s fifty two pounds of absurdity she hauled around every day.

GARRET
(calling out to ROZ and MATT)
Her breasts didn’t kill her.

MATT smirks broadly.

GARRET (cont’d)
They just may have contributed. She died from a lack of oxygen to her organs.

Victim


MATT’S face falls and ROZ smirks.

ROZ
(approaching the table)
So, she smothered under the weight of those things.

GARRET
No. Given the excess weight she carried, I only found the sort of constriction injuries I thought I’d normally find.

GARRET pulls his gloves off and steps away from the body.

GARRET (cont’d)
The tissue, in the back of Ms. Archie’s throat, is quite loose. The uvula and surrounding area were slightly engorged-

ROZ
(interrupting)
-like the boobs

GARRET
Actually, loosened from the muscle, irritated... leaving a larger than expected space to her larynx.

MATT
What would cause something like that?

GARRET
There are a number of things. Family history, irritants like excessive smoking, alcohol…

MATT
(interrupting)
Someone shoving something down her throat…

ROZ
(to MATT)
…who disappeared out of a locked door, leaving no other signs. She was an adult entertainer not a magician.

GARRET
She’s right. Suffocation, due to….say…a gag, pushed too far into the victim’s mouth, would not only leave a trace of the instrument used, but injuries.

MATT
There weren’t any?

GARRET
No. In fact, her medical records say she complained of snoring. Her doctor wrote it off as … lifestyle.

GARRET begins to look uncomfortable.

GARRET
(cont’d)
Once the labs come back we’ll know if the laxness in the tissues were form of cutis laxa… a heredity disorder that causes excess dermas growth… or something as simple as… as…

ROZ
(amused)
Are you saying Barbie here died because she had a deep throat?

GARRET
(clears his throat)
Since she was in bed… alone… and we assume sleeping at the time of death… I’m signing this off as asphyxiation as result of sleep apnea. Her throat closed around itself when her muscles relaxed in sleep.

MATT
So the boobs…?

GARRET
They didn’t help her breathing… but they didn’t cause her throat to close up.

ROZ
You do realize this police report is going to sound like the plot of a soft-core porn novel?

GARRET
I’m sure you two will muddle through.

ROZ
Aww... Gar, I’ll make sure to send you a thank-you note as soon as I can.
Right Place, Wrong Time - Dr. John

25. EXT. ROXBURY HOUSING PROJECT - AFTERNOON

JORDAN and DELINDA pull up to the building in the El Camino. Jordan puts the vehicle in park. The music stops as she turns off the engine. They both look out of the windshield at the building’s depressing façade.

The Projects


JORDAN
You don’t have to do this.

DELINDA
I’m not going to sit in the spa at the hotel while you have all the fun.

JORDAN
The Oakhills Housing Project is not exactly the Montecito. Most of the people here are just trying to get by… but there are a few…

DELINDA
(looks around)
I put up with all kinds in Vegas every day. But do you think we should call somebody… (looks excited, like this all a game ) to let them know we’re closing in on our suspect?

JORDAN
Not yet, Pepper Anderson. As far as we know Malone is just a cross-dresser who can’t hold her liquor. I just want to know what else she didn’t tell the police.

DELINDA
Shouldn’t you have your badge on or something? Or maybe I can wear it!

JORDAN
A badge in this neighborhood stirs up more resistance than an unwed mother at one of my Grandmother’s Republican fundraisers… no offense…

DELINDA rubs her belly with a warm smile, not at all insulted.

JORDAN (cont’d)
We’re just here to talk. Nothing more. Trust me. We need to find out if he’s our guy… girl… now. We may never get another chance.

JORDAN takes a deep breath and reaches over to pen the glove compartment. She pulls out a gun and tucks it in her waistband at the small of her back. DELINDA’S mouth opens in question.

JORDAN
Maybe you should stay here and keep an eye the car. I just had new tires put on it.

DELINDA
(opens the car door)
You can’t go in there alone.

JORDAN
Delinda…

DELINDA shoulders her handbag and holds it tightly to her belly.

DELINDA
My father used to kill people for a living. He didn’t let me go on my first date until I could down a man with a single blow.

JORDAN
(grins)
I bet you were a fun date.

DELINDA
(smiles)
You have… no idea.

HARD CUT TO:

26. INT. HALLWAY OF BUILDING - CONTINUING

JORDAN and DELINDA walk up a dimly lit interior hallway. We can hear the TVs turned up loudly and a baby crying through the thin walls of the units. They stop in front a scarred wooden door and knock. There is no answer.

DELINDA
Maybe he’s not home…

JORDAN puts her ear to the door. She hears rustling inside.

JORDAN
Someone’s home.

JORDAN knocks again. This time harder.

JORDAN (cont’d)
(loudly)
Brandon Malone! Ah, this is … Jordan Cavanaugh… we met the other night, at the club.

DELINDA
(whispers)
We didn’t actually… meet him. I’d remember. I’m very good with faces…

JORDAN rolls her eyes.

JORDAN
(to the door)
We’re from... the Patriots front office. We have the pictures you had taken with the girls…

There is silence behind the door. JORDAN rocks on her heels and smiles.

JORDAN (cont’d)
They even signed them.

The door cracks open. BRANDON peers through the crack. Both JORDAN and DELINDA are taken aback by his unshaved peach fuzz facial hair.

DELINDA
(to JORDAN, whisper)
I thought he was supposed to be a… she?

BRANDON
I didn’t have any lame pictures taken. Go away.

JORDAN
This’ll just take a minute...

BRANDON looks like he’s going to slam the door. DELINDA sticks her foot in just in time to stop him.

DELINDA interrupts with a big smile, patting her belly.

DELINDA
And I could really use your bathroom… if you don’t mind.

DELINDA bodily forces her way in the apartment before BRANDON or JORDAN can react.

DELINDA (cont'd)

This way? (points) Thanks.

BRANDON looks slightly panicked. JORDAN uses the distraction to let herself in also.

BRANDON
You don’t look like cheerleaders to me.

DELINDA
Actually… we want to know why you lied to the police the other night.

BRANDON
What’s going on here? Who are you?

JORDAN
We know you covered for somebody that night… we just want to know why.

The door slams shut. KIMBERLY is standing behind it. JORDAN turns quickly to face DELINDA. Too late, DELINDA yells as KIMBERLY picks up a lamp and hits JORDAN on the back of the head. The scene goes black.


27 . INT. TRACE - AFTERNOON

NIGEL and KATE are standing over a body, both in tinted goggles. NIGEL is holding a Luminol light over the body, obliviously looking for trace. KATE looks agitated.

KATE
My dead grandfather could scan the body faster than you are.

NIGEL
Do you want it done quickly, or correctly?

KATE
How ’bout both. You’ve been spending so much time playing Clue with that showgirl…

NIGEL clicks off the light and stands straight to look at KATE.

NIGEL
Delinda is not a showgirl. She’s a highly respected restaurateur for a major hotel.

KATE grabs the light out of his hand and turns it back on.

KATE
I’m sure that has a lot to do with the fact her boyfriend is the hotel president.

KATE begins to scan the body herself.

KATE (cont’d)
I still don’t understand why everyone is so eager to let her and McCoy work a murder investigation…

NIGEL
They’ve worked with Jordan and Woody on a few other occasions. In fact, I had the pleasure of having her help me crack a case in…

KATE clicks off the light with an exaggerated motion.

KATE
So, she’s got a brain to go along with her disgustingly good looks and maternal glow. As far as I know… your dear friend is not employed by the State of Massachusetts and should not be allowed unlimited access to restricted areas of the morgue.

NIGEL
(slow smile)
Darling, If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were jealous...

KATE
(hisses)
I’m not paid enough to be … jealous… of some Nancy Drew wannabe.

KATE slams the light on a tray next to body, causing a loud clang.

KATE (cont’d)
And you can save your… petty… endearments for someone who gives a rat’s-

WOODY pushes the door to TRACE open and walks in. DANNY is right behind.

WOODY
(brightly)
Nigel-my-man, have you seen…?

They both stop in their tracks when they realize they’ve interrupted something.

KATE
(forced, even tone)
Detective Hoyt… and Mr. McCoy… of course. You seem to be attached at the hip these days.

KATE slowly pulls off her gloves and tosses them in the trash.

KATE
Apparently, you need morgue personnel and resources… yet again. Please don’t let me… or Mr. Katz, here… hold you up.

KATE walks to the door and pushes it open.

KATE (cont’d)
Try not to distract Nigel any more than he already has been.

KATE exits.

WOODY
(points to the still swinging door)
What was that all about?

NIGEL
(still smiling)
Mark this day on the calendar, Gents. I believe our unflappable Kate has finally had her feathers genuinely… and thoroughly… ruffled.

WOODY and DANNY both look at NIGEL as if they hadn‘t seen anything out of the normal Nigel/Kate interplay.

NIGEL
(smug)
What can do for you on this glorious afternoon?

WOODY
Jordan around? I tried calling… but her phone‘s off.

NIGEL picks up the Luminol light and flips it in his hand before turning it on. He begins to scan the body.

NIGEL
She said she was going to take Delinda back to the hotel while the tests finished running on the vomit they collected from the scene.

DANNY
Vomit?

WOODY
The Malone kid.

DANNY
You don’t think they’d do something as stupid as…? Of course… who am I kidding?

DANNY steps aside, pulling out his cell. He dials.

NIGEL
Funny thing is - they harvested it from the gents’ loo, but it was most definitely female in origin. Sounds like some bloke thought he was going to have a Penthouse moment to put in his blog only to have his duck empty her guts...

WOODY
Female? Are you sure?

NIGEL
(indignant)
I can bloody well tell a X-chromosome from a Y, Woodrow.

WOODY
Malone told us that he was the one who got sick. Who’s he covering for?

DANNY returns to WOODY’S side. He looks concerned.

DANNY
(concerned)
I just called the hotel. They’re not there.

NIGEL’S smile falters.

WOODY
(to NIGEL)
Can you get me Malone’s home and work addresses… just in case.

NIGEL puts the light down, turns to his computer and begins typing. WOODY puts his hand on NIGEL’S shoulder, stopping him momentarily.

WOODY
(looks both ways and whispers)
Do you still have her password?

NIGEL
(looks at WOODY as his request dawns on him)
She’d kill us if she ever knew.

WOODY
Type. I’ll take the fall.

DANNY
Knew what?

WOODY
A while back Jordan was arrested-

DANNY
For murder. Yeah, I know.

NIGEL
(typing)
When she was released on bail, the district attorney requested that she be lojacked.

WOODY
After the real killer was caught and Jordan was cleared… the order was lifted.

DANNY
Let me guess… the paperwork got lost.

NIGEL
(typing)
It was a… paperless… thing actually.

DANNY
So… you have an illegal tracking device on her car.

WOODY
Pollack was dead and Jordan was in a really weird place… emotionally. We all figured when the dust settled she’d… take off.

NIGEL
(typing)
She’s been known to disappear without trace for months. We figured since the tracker was already there…

DANNY
(chuckles)
You’d have a head start finding her and dragging her back home.

NIGEL
It was for her own good, mind you... bingo. Looks like the car is parked. She’s in Roxbury…Cedar and Cleveland Streets.

WOODY
What’s Malone’s home address?

NIGEL clicks a few keys.

NIGEL
His last known is…Oakhills….Roxbury.

WOODY
(walking toward the door)
Thanks Nige. If the car moves… call me.

DANNY
Oakhills? Should I know where that is?

WOODY
It’s a housing project… not exactly the kind of place you find on that tourist map they gave you at the hotel.

DANNY
You don’t think they’re in any trouble… The deal was Delinda helps Jordan run a few tests, talk to a few witnesses in the relative safety of the police station while we… you… do the actual taking down the bad guy thing.

WOODY
I highly doubt it… Jordan’s right at home in rougher neighborhoods.

DANNY
(angrily)
Just not with my very pregnant girlfriend riding shotgun to confront a guy who may or may not be a murderer.

WOODY
I’ll drive. I know the shortcuts.

28. INT. BLACK - AFTERNOON

We can’t see anything. We can hear something though.


DELINDA (voiceover)
(worried whisper)
Jordan… Jordan. Wake up.

Light. A fuzzy image of DELINDA’S face comes into focus.

DELINDA
Thank God. Are you all right?

JORDAN
(mumbled)
…Yeah.

We realize we are still in the apartment.

JORDAN sits up gingerly. DELINDA is squatting next to her. BRANDON stands directly before them. KIMBERLY is pacing in front of them, still holding the lamp. JORDAN reaches for her gun and finds it missing.


BRANDON
(aims gun at them)
Looking for this?

JORDAN groans.

KIMBERLY
You shouldn’t be here.

DELINDA helps JORDAN stand.

JORDAN
(rubbing the back of her head)
The knot on my head agrees with you.

DELINDA
(bluffing)
People know where we are! When we don’t… check in, they’ll call the police!

BRANDON
Thought you were the cops.

KIMBERLY looks out the window. It’s quiet outside.

KIMBERLY
(panicky)
They’re not cops. They’re the two from the Medical Examiner’s office I told you about. I knew they’d figure it out sooner or later.

JORDAN
Figure what out?

KIMBERLY
Oh, don’t play stupid with me. You knew all along. (beat) This is not happening!

JORDAN
If you just let us walk out of here… we can forget this ever happened.

KIMBERLY throws the lamp on the floor making both DELINDA and JORDAN jump back.

KIMBERLY
Walk right out of here and straight to the cops…

BRANDON
(tilting the gun)
Whadda we going to do?

KIMBERLY
(hands over ears)
Gimme a second to think.

JORDAN
If you tell us what happened… maybe we can help you…

KIMBERLY looks out the window again

BRANDON
(to KIMBERLY)
Maybe we should-

KIMBERLY
Keep your mouth shut!

BRANDON
(to KIMBERLY)
(to KIMBERLY)
Tell them….tell ’em it was an accident. We didn’t mean to kill nobody.

KIMBERLY
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

DELINDA
(sweetly)
You can tell me… I’m not… anything. Just an old friend of Midas.

BRANDON
It was an accident! Honest! All we wanted to do was scare him. That’s it!

JORDAN
Why…?

KIMBERLY open and closes her mouth a few times.

BRANDON
(pleading)
Say it, Kimmy. Tell them how Midas broke his promise to you…

DELINDA
Kimberly, what did he do to you?

KIMBERLY
(shoulders drop in defeat)
I met Midas at a post-game party a few months ago. We hit it off pretty quick. For the next few days he flashed his Amex black card on anything I wanted. Champagne, caviar… designer clothes. He told me he was opening a club in Boston and wanted me to work for him….. I thought it was my big break. He didn’t need to ask twice.

JORDAN
You took the job.

KIMBERLY
The second I said yes, he dropped me like a hot potato. He never once listened to my music… then he expected me to act like a glorified waitress at his club… for what I was making cleaning teeth.

BRANDON
He had the balls to say he gave my girl a job… just like he promised. Anybody with an eye in their head could see she’s a star.

KIMBERLY
Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to beg for your old job back.

JORDAN
Actually-

BRANDON
(retraining the gun on the girls)
A piece of Wonder Bread like you could never understand. You’re not from the hood.

JORDAN steps in front of DELINDA holding her hand out in front of her.


JORDAN
We’re just talking here… Okay?

BRANDON lowers the gun a notch.

JORDAN (cont'd)
What happened in that office?

KIMBERLY
We were just going to talk to him… make him realize the mistake he made… I pleaded with the franchise to go to the party as personal appearance.

JORDAN
You fixed it for Brandon to be with the entourage.

BRANDON
(chuckles)
Security sucked.

JORDAN
The costume. It was you who was talking to Midas at the balcony just before he died… wasn’t it?

KIMBERLY
Actually, it was me. I put on a matching costume to get him alone. There were a hundred witnesses that saw me dressed in a G-string. Do you really think anybody would remember me dressed otherwise?

BRANDON snickers.

DELINDA
So, for all intents and purposes, a roomful of people saw Brandon go into the office with Midas… you set him up.

BRANDON
(holds the gun tighter)
I wanted everybody to see me there. Rolling a dude like King Midas would make me on the streets.

JORDAN sighs as it all starts making sense.

JORDAN
What happened… did he fight back?

BRANDON
He fricking pulled a gun on Kimmy. He told her she was a crazy bitch. I grabbed the first thing I could and hit him in the head as hard as I could.

JORDAN
The cup…

BRANDON
Yeah…

JORDAN
Then he got really mad.

KIMBERLY
He started screaming he was going to make us pay. I knew he was serious.

DELINDA
You used the cape to smother him.

BRANDON
He wouldn’t shut up.

KIMBERLY
We just wanted to calm down… but then he stopped fighting.

JORDAN
Why didn’t you call for help?

KIMBERLY
Midas had powerful friends… he would have had us killed.

DELINDA
(sadly)
You didn’t know the real Midas. The only thing he’d kill is a catfish… and only if it was for dinner.

JORDAN
Afterwards you ran into the bathroom and got sick.

KIMBERLY
I can’t go to prison.

JORDAN
It was an accident… with a plea you’re looking at murder two or even manslaughter. You’ll be out in 20... less with parole.

KIMBERLY
Yeah, right. Brandon… baby… you know what you gotta do.

BRANDON holds the gun up and releases the safety.

JORDAN
Wait! You can’t do this!

KIMBERLY
Yes he can. People are deaf and blind here. I saw you break into Brandon’s home and threatened him with this gun. He had to defend us the only way he could... and nobody around here will step forward to contradict the story.

BRANDON fingers the trigger.

JORDAN
Brandon! No! … let Delinda go… think about her baby. She’s not from around. She’ll hop on a plane and you’ll never see or hear from her again.

BRANDON shifts from one foot to another.

Suddenly DELINDA doubles over in apparent pain. She moans loudly.

DELINDA
(crying out)
My baby!

BRANDON
Aw, shit… Kimmy!

BRANDON lowers the gun as he is momentarily dazed. In a split second, DELINDA charges him and hits him with her handbag. She knees him in the groin which sends the gun flying. It skids across the floor. Both KIMBERLY and JORDAN drive for it. JORDAN is able to get to it first. She aims the gun at KIMBERLY, who raises her hands in surrender.

BRANDON collapses to the floor, cupping his hands over his groin. DELINDA swings her bag again knocking him all the way to the floor. She grabs one of his arms and flips him over pulling it up between his shoulder blades. BRANDON yells in pain.

JORDAN notices DELINDA has BRANDON incapacitated and smiles.


JORDAN
I know better than to threaten you.

DELINDA
(smiling at JORDAN)
It serves them right for messing with a pregnant woman when she said she needs to use the bathroom.

29. EXT. ROXBURY HOUSING PROJECT - AFTERNOON

WOODY and DANNY pull up to the building and park next to JORDAN’S El Camino. They both look out of the windshield.


WOODY
I’ll go to Malone’s apartment… You cover the back in case he makes a break for it.

DANNY
You do what you want…

DANNY ignores him and puts his foot on the dash, pulling a gun out of an ankle holster.

DANNY (cont’d)
Delinda’s in trouble… I know it.

DANNY climbs out of the car. WOODY scrambles to follow.

WOODY
Whoa, whoa, whoa… Wait a minute! … You’re carrying?

DANNY ignores him again and strides to toward the building. Once again, Woody scrambles to keep up.

WOODY
I’m the cop! I’m in charge. You can’t just… storm… in there.

DANNY
Watch me.

DANNY goes into the building.

WOODY reluctantly pulls his own gun out and pulls DANNY inside the building.

WOODY
(mutters to himself)
Great… great.

30. INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUING

DANNY approaches the apartment door quietly, with his back to the wall and gun in both hands. He looks over his shoulder and motions for WOODY to take the opposite wall. WOODY takes position. Danny reaches out and bangs his fist loudly on BRANDON’S door. No answer. DANNY exchanges a determined look with WOODY and bangs again.

DANNY
alone! I’m giving you three seconds to open this door!!

WOODY rolls his lips, like he can’t believe this is happening, but stands ready to storm the room.

DANNY
One!… Two!…

Both DANNY and WOODY brace themselves to kick down the door as it swings open. DELINDA stands there with a nonchalant smile on her face.

DELINDA
Sorry it took so long… I was using the bathroom.

DELINDA stands on her tip toes and gives a stunned DANNY a quick peck in the lips.

DELINDA
(smiling)
We were just about to call you…

Confused, DANNY and WOODY cautiously enter the apartment. JORDAN is standing in front of the sofa holding her gun casually. KIMBERLY and BRANDON are sitting in front of her with their hands tied together in front of them with electrical cords.

JORDAN
(smile)
Be ready to pay up, boys.

31. EXT. LOGAN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - MORNING

JORDAN and WOODY stand on one side of the curb as DANNY and DELINDA mirror their stance on the other. One of DANNY’S arms is around DELINDA’S shoulders, one of WOODY’S arms around JORDAN. They are all smiling and talking as the camera moves in on their conversation.


DANNY
…Yeah well, Cagney and Lacey you are not, ladies.

He kisses the side of DELINDA’S head.

DANNY (cont’d)
No more cowgirling around when you’re together? Especially when one of you is pregnant?

DANNY raises his eyebrows towards JORDAN who squirms.

JORDAN
Little chance of that here, pal.

JORDAN nudges WOODY when he says nothing.

WOODY
…Oh. (pause) Right, yeah… little chance… (smiles at DANNY, thinking of their lunch conversation)

DELINDA
(smiles)
So…speaking of chances or…opportunities....(pauses and looks at JORDAN coyly) What are you going to make Woody do to settle his end of the bet?

JORDAN smiles up at WOODY playfully with a shrug.

JORDAN
Oh… I’m sure I’ll think of something…

DELINDA
(to WOODY, grinning)
I did tell her she could keep the dominatrix outfit… and the whip…

WOODY looks pleased and at the same time a little nervous. DANNY and JORDAN laugh and JORDAN pats WOODY’S chest.

JORDAN
Take care of her Danny, (nods to DELINDA) and we want to know what it is when the baby is born...

JORDAN points between the two of them and then cuts her eyes at WOODY, who nods. DANNY regards them both seriously for a moment then looks at DELINDA.

DANNY
You… two… have a bet going on what it’ll be don’t you?

WOODY and JORDAN both look at each other and shrug.

WOODY is appalled but still cuts his eyes toward JORDAN

WOODY
Please, what kind of people do you think we are?

DANNY and DELINDA look at each other and smile.

DANNY
Riiiiight.

He pauses and looks towards the doors.

DANNY (cont’d)
Well, we better be going… it was nice seeing you two… together. (pauses) Finally.

WOODY smiles and holds JORDAN closer, perhaps still a touch jealous of DANNY.

WOODY
It was nice seeing you guys, too…

WOODY looks at DELINDA’S belly then at DANNY.

DANNY and DELINDA look at each other lovingly then turn the tables on WOODY and JORDAN, looking them both over

WOODY (cont'd)
Maybe next time we see you it will be for a wedding…

DANNY
(with a twinkle in his eye)
Yeah… I wouldn’t be surprised…

They turn with one more wave and head into the airport, leaving WOODY and JORDAN watching them.

JORDAN turns and heads back to their car.

Serious talks

JORDAN
You really think those two will end up married?

WOODY
Well… Danny and I had a nice talk the other day… I think he’d really like to marry her… yeah…

JORDAN looks surprised as she continues to lean into his side as they walk.

JORDAN
Oh, did ya now?

WOODY
(smiles)
Uh huh.

JORDAN
My name come up at all in this… talk?

Coffee Shop - Landon Pigg
It’s WOODY’S turn to look surprised.

WOODY
Your name in a talk about marriage? (pause) Why? Do you WANT it to come up?

He is amused, but trying to tell if she’s serious.

JORDAN scoffs, but doesn’t answer.

WOODY (cont’d)
Jordan?

When she doesn’t answer him his face grows serious and he stops and looks down at her.

WOODY (cont’d)
Jordan… do… do you want to marry me?

JORDAN squirms uncomfortably and then laughs nervously.

JORDAN
Was that a proposal?

WOODY starts to smile now that she has, thinking the pressure is off.

WOODY

Do you want it to be?


They stare each other down, unblinking for a few moments until JORDAN looks away and smiles.

JORDAN
(with a touch of sarcasm)
I think the air of romance Danny and Delinda brought with them and their little bundle of joy is going to your head, Farm Boy…

WOODY
(smiling fully now)
So is that a yes or a no?

JORDAN smiles enigmatically and opens the door to WOODY’S car. She looks at him over the roof with the same smile and climbs in.

WOODY (cont’d)
Jordan -?

WOODY smiles and climbs in as well before starting the car as he decides to drop it for now.

****MUSIC- Coffee Shop, Landon Pigg.

JORDAN reaches over as the car pulls away and holds his hand as the screen fades to black.

 


Next time on Crossing Jordan:

"Over the Rainbow"

Over the Rainbow trailer


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