“Crossing Jordan Virtual Season 7” is a
fan-based effort not intended to infringe on the rights of Tailwind Productions,
NBC/Universal or any of the other copyright holders of “Crossing Jordan.”
No money was made from the writing or posting of any content.
Detective Woodrow “Woody” Hoyt
Mahesh “Bug” Vijayaraghavensatanaryanamurthy
Uniformed Officer #1
Random Contestant #1
Random Contestant #2
Random Contestant #3
INTERROGATION ROOM ONE
Who Let the Dogs Out - Baha Men
1. INT. KATE’S APARTMENT – EVENING
The shot begins tightly focused on a television screen. On the screen is a
video montage of BINKY’S career as a show dog. There is footage of BINKY in
front of show judges; of KATE showing BINKY; of BINKY with a blue ribbon; of
KATE and BINKY having a quiet moment; of BINKY face-to-face with his chief rival,
LEMBAS; of BINKY in second place with LEMBAS in first place. The shot slowly
widens to show BINKY standing on a mat in the middle of KATE’S living room,
in front of the television. KATE is brushing him, checking him carefully for
any faults. She even inspects his teeth, nodding almost grimly to herself. She
is focused in that way that only KATE can focus. She looks down at the dog again.
KATE looks over her shoulder at the television. It is at another shot of BINKY facing off with LEMBAS.
Not this time. That little… rat isn’t winning this one. (looks
at BINKY) I’ll make sure of it.
END OF TEASER
Crossing Jordan Theme
2. IT. CONVENTION CENTER – NIGHT
The Sound of Silence - Simon and Garfunkel
BUG and WOODY are standing, side by side, looking down. BUG has on latex gloves
and WOODY has out a notepad and pen. Slowly, they look over at each other and
then quickly look away. Their faces both go tight. WOODY’S mouth trembles as
he’s trying not to laugh. It’s affecting BUG, too, but finally, they are both
under control. They glance down again.
I don’t know what to say.
What can you say?
Do you suppose there’s some old… uh… saying?
The camera finally pans down to the victim and BUG continues to speak in voiceover.
… “If a mime screams at a mime convention, will anyone hear him?”
The shot pushes in for a tight close up of a mime’s heavily painted face.
Or will anyone be able to tell us anything?
The shot pulls back, encompassing BUG and WOODY again, as well as the mime’s body. We also see a rather sizeable group of mimes gazing on.
Able… or willing?
3. INT. JORDAN’S OFFICE – MORNING
JORDAN is at her desk, laptop open, checking e-mails. She is sipping a big sissy coffee and smiling to herself when GARRET enters.
Don’t tell me – an e-mail forward that was actually funny?
JORDAN (looking up and chuckling)
Urban legend, man. (shakes her head) My dad.
How’s Max doing?
Better. He fired the home health care aide. Says he can take care of himself.
Like father, like daughter.
How’re you doing?
I’d be better if I knew where James was.
Maybe he’s given up.
JORDAN shoots him a look. He shrugs, as if to say, “Hey, I had to try!”
I need you to do a pick up. Skylar Dale condos.
JORDAN groans and looks glum.
GARRET (cont’d) (a little worried)
JORDAN (waving a hand)
Yeah. It’s just… Woody’s on nights and I’m here… days. I thought maybe
Kate… (frowns) Where is Kate?
She took a couple of days.
Kate? Switzer? Wow… must be big.
4. INT. ARENA “HOLDING” AREA – MORNING
Just a Gigolo - David Lee Roth
KATE is sitting on a chair. Her typical unflappable demeanor is slightly flapped.
She is fidgety and her eyes dart around the large, open space. BINKY sits next
to her, also a bit fidgety. He stands on his tiny, little legs, takes a few
steps until KATE gently tugs his lead and then he sits down again. This minor
drama is played out several times. Almost without warning, BINKY is up, tugging
at his leash and snarling. KATE gives him an alarmed look, sees the problem
and glares. The shot slides from KATE’S expression back toward the dog and we
see, about two feet from his nose, is the other dog from the video, LEMBAS.
The camera pans up and we see LEMBAS’ OWNER, SUSAN RICKLEFF, glaring at KATE.
Get your dog away from mine.
Keep your dog in his assigned location.
KATE glances down and sees that BINKY has stepped out of the “box” where he must remain – by one paw. She tugs at his leash again. BINKY steps back and LEMBAS moves forward a little bit. LEMBAS makes a low noise in his throat.
That’s it! I’m reporting you-
For what? Walking to the competition floor? Hah!
For taunting my dog!
Some bystanders have gathered and are looking to one another, trying to determine if someone should step in. With a resigned sigh, one older man does.
Ladies, ladies, I’m sure if-
KATE & SUSAN
Mind your own business!
The man almost jumps back, as if stung physically. SUSAN leans toward KATE a bit,
letting LEMBAS encroach on BINKY even more.
Turning me in is the only way that … mop of yours can win. (scornful glance at BINKY) He’s a has-been.
KATE barely restrains herself from flying at this woman.
Did you just call my dog a mop?
Would you prefer it if I call him a loofah?
KATE (face red with rage)
I’d prefer it if you’d get out of my face!
At this point, one of the contest officials, GABE BLAINE, arrives on the scene. He takes one look at the two and rolls his eyes. This is not his first barbecue with these two. Knowing that angels would fear to tread – and rightly so – he wades in anyway.
They ignore him, adlibbing more argument.
Ladies! Ladies, please!
They still ignore him. He physically puts himself between them.
Dr. Switzer! Ms. Rickleff! That’s enough. (looks between
the two of them) I will not have any – any – caterwauling at this competition.
KATE arches an eyebrow.
GABE (fussy, but stern)
Caterwauling, Dr. Switzer. (gives SUSAN same look) Ms. Rickleff.
Both women nod. GABE stands his ground until SUSAN leads LEMBAS away toward
the floor. KATE, still seething, takes a few pacing steps and then looks down
at BINKY. He’s tense and his perfect grooming is in slight disarray (so slight
that probably only KATE would notice, but she does.) KATE calms herself and
takes out some grooming supplies. She gets down on the mat with BINKY and begins
to “fix” him.
5. INT. AUTOPSY ONE – AFTERNOON
BUG is working on the mime’s body. WOODY comes through the door, looking haggard
Tell me you’ve got something.
BUG (small smile)
His… colleagues not talking?
Ha, ha. Very funny. And no. So far all I can get is a bunch of this…
He makes a show of pretending he’s pressing his palms against a wall.
Now he pretends to be pulling on a rope.
… and even some of this.
He makes a motion that causes BUG to give him a funny look.
WOODY’S face creases in confusion.
He makes the gesture again and realizes it looks like he’s making the movie camera gesture commonly used when playing “Charades.”
Oh. No. Fishing. (beat) I think. (shakes his head) So, am I looking at natural causes here? Which I’d really like to be ‘cause then I won’t have to go back and push those fruitcakes.
Afraid they’ll push back?
I’d like to see them try. (beat) Wait, I already have. (more exasperated) Come on, Bug. What’s going on here?
BUG (taking pity on him)
Meet Leo Lyons-
WOODY glares at him.
-thirty-eight years old, Caucasian male, in good health. No sign of heart attack, stroke or illness.
WOODY (sagging a little)
So it was-
And I haven’t found any sign of foul play. (beat) I need to run more tests, but a man as healthy as this doesn’t just drop dead.
JORDAN comes in at this moment. Her face brightens into a smile when she sees WOODY. His face, though still tired, also brightens. She gives him a quick kiss.
Not in front of the body. Please.
JORDAN takes a peek over at the corpse.
Busy night or just him?
JORDAN (to BUG)
What you got, man?
So far? Nothing.
JORDAN (going to the body)
Come on, there’s got to be something the body’s telling you.
His buddies won’t talk; why should he?
JORDAN gives both of them a funny look.
(off JORDAN’S look)
He’s a – was… a mime. (beat) He died at a mime convention.
END OF ACT ONE
6. INT. AUTOPSY ONE - CONTINUING
JORDAN is looking from WOODY to BUG and back, trying to figure out if they’re
teasing her. WOODY finally just shrugs and JORDAN’S mouth tightens. She turns
away while the two men watch her.
Been there, laughed at that.
JORDAN turns around, a hand over her mouth, trying to get herself under control.
Sorry. It’s just – I mean… so they were all… with the (does the “wall”) and the (does the “rope”) -
-And the (does the “fishing”)
BUG chortles as WOODY shakes his head.
I gotta work on that.
JORDAN and BUG both lift an eyebrow at him.
WOODY (cont’d) (rolling his eyes)
Never mind. (beat) So there’s… nothing you can tell me?
I can tell you there was no blunt force trauma
JORDAN (in the game)
Like hitting a wall.
No indications of smothering.
So he wasn’t locked in a small space.
And he wasn’t strangled or hung.
WOODY (before JORDAN can speak)
Yeah, I get it. Very funny.
JORDAN is bending down, peering into the body’s ear. Her eyes narrow. She reaches for a piece of equipment and examines the area even more closely.
JORDAN (not looking away)
Bug, come take a look at this.
BUG looks where she is pointing. He leans down, as she backs away, getting a better look. He shines a light over the area and then slowly shakes his head.
Hello? Did you find something?
I’ll be damned.
Only if you don’t tell me what you found!
He was Trotskyed.
Something punctured his ear drum…
… and probably went straight through to his brain. (looks at WOODY) I’ll have to open his skull up to make certain, but… yeah, I’d say we found something.
WOODY (a little pale)
Something… went into his brain? Through his ear? (shakes
JORDAN raises her eyebrows in agreement.
Wouldn’t that – um – bleed… a lot?
JORDAN (teasing a little)
Probably. Some of his brain might even have leaked out.
WOODY looks at her in horror. She shrugs in mock innocence.
Your killer cleaned the wound up or Bug’d have seen it earlier. He probably got pretty messy.
WOODY swallows, hesitating a moment before going on.
I hate to ask… any idea what could have done it?
Trotsky was killed with an ice pick.
WOODY glares at her.
Number Two pencil. (glances back at the body) Course that would’ve left a pretty obvious entry wound. Unless the killer erased it.
WOODY (tiring, glaring)
Something I might actually find at this convention?
A thin sword.
They’re mimes, not sword swallowers.
WOODY (cont’d) (sighing)
So basically, something pointed, sharp and pretty narrow?
Your perp is probably pretty strong, too.
NIGEL enters, grinning when he sees so many of his favorite people in the same room. He looks over at the body.
Who’s the unlucky fellow?
At a mime convention.
NIGEL takes all this in and then grins even more broadly. He waggles his eyebrows at WOODY.
Sounds like fun. Bet you’re getting a lot of this. (does the “wall”)
And this. (does the “rope”)
WOODY (forgetting he was going to practice)
And this. (makes the fishing motion)
NIGEL regards him for a moment.
Fishing! You don’t see that one too often. (looks back at the body) So what did him in?
He was Trotskyed.
Ooooh. Nasty. (he pats WOODY on the shoulder) Best of luck, mate.
WOODY rolls his eyes and groans. He looks at the other three for a moment and then turns to leave.
Call me if you get anything more. (beat) I’m going to go see what I can get out of the strong, silent types.
7. INT. CONVENTION CENTER LOBBY– AFTERNOON
WOODY is walking around the convention center. There is quite an assortment
of people there. WOODY pauses to examine a very lifelike representation of the
Mona Lisa. He is peering closely at “her.”
You’re cute an’ all, but do you mind?
WOODY more or less shrieks and jumps back.
Whaaa-? You’re – You’re… alive!
It’s just that – I mean, you’re… you look… How do you do that?
MONA LISA breaks character, steps from behind the picture frame and relaxes into a chair nearby as she smiles at our boy. She rolls her shoulders and stretches her arms a little.
Practice. Lots and lots of it. (beat) I’m Lisa.
Of course, you are. (takes out his shield) Detective Woody Hoyt, BPD. Mind if I ask you a few questions?
This about Leo?
Did you know him well?
She see-saws her hand.
We kinda did the same circuit – conventions, fairs, that sort of thing. Had a couple of drinks every now and then. (beat) He was a nice guy. Too young to drop dead, right?
Can you think of anyone who didn’t think he was a nice guy?
MONA LISA (shrugging)
There’s always… rivalries. Performers, you know. (lowers her voice) Egos.
Any particular ego you can think of?
MONA LISA (shakes head)
Sorry. (beat) You know, you might check with Caz Barrett. He and Leo started out together.
So he’s another mime?
Caz is a vendor. He’s got a booth – “Yours, Mime and Ours.”
WOODY shakes his head in disbelief before going on.
WOODY (pretends to ask as an afterthought)
Um… you didn’t happen to see anything? Hear anything maybe?
MONA LISA regards him steadily for a long moment before shaking her head.
WOODY hands her a card.
Well, if you think of anything else, give me a call.
Sure thing, Detective.
8. INT. ARENA SHOW FLOOR – AFTERNOON
There is a fast paced set of clips, from KATE “handling” BINKY to the judges examining him, making notes and conferring. Crowds mill in the stands, giving us the impression of time passing as they come and go. There is a shot of the judges revealing the first day scores. KATE is scowling. At the same brisk pace, we move.
9. INT. CONVENTION CENTER VENDORS’AREA – CONTINUING
WOODY approaches a large booth with a gaudy sign over it, reading “Yours, Mime and Ours.” He watches for a moment as the proprietor finishes ringing up a sale. His eyes travel around the wares on display. When the customer leaves, WOODY steps up, already holding his shield.
I was wondering when you’d get around to me.
WOODY (curiosity piqued)
Really? Why is that?
Because I found this when I opened up this morning.
He holds up a long, thin, metal rod, sharply pointed at one end and covered in blood. We push in on the bloody tip until it blurs.
10. INT. CONVENTION CENTER VENDORS’AREA – CONTINUING
The scene resolves from the bloody-tipped rod to WOODY has the rod in an evidence
bag and is handing it to a UNIFORMED OFFICER. As the subordinate walks off, WOODY
flips open his cell.
Bug? (pause) Yeah, look, I’m sending over a piece of evidence that’s probably the murder weapon. (pause) Great. Thanks.
He closes the cell phone and turns back to CAZ BARRETT, whose face is unreadable.
Okay, Mr. Barrett, if you could tell me again about finding the… weapon, including why you didn’t call the station right away.
Detective Hoyt, as far as I knew, Leo had a heart attack or stroke or something.
Then why were you wondering when I’d get around to you?
When I heard you were here… talking to Lisa… I figured there was more to Leo’s death. And then I thought about… what I found.
WOODY looks unconvinced, but lets it slide.
You said you found the weapon when you opened this morning.
That’s right. And before you ask, yes, the booth is locked at night and I’m the only one with a key.
But you don’t know how the thing got into your booth?
CAZ BARRETT (theatrically)
Au contraire, mon frère
He realizes WOODY isn’t impressed.
CAZ BARRETT (cont’d)
You see that?
He points to a corner of the booth, where there is a gap between the bottom and the floor.
CAZ BARRETT (cont’d)
Took a chunk out of the wood a few years back. I’ve had to level this thing ever since.
WOODY leans down and studies the gap for a moment. It’s more than big enough for someone to slide a rod the size of the one found under the jagged edge.
Does anyone else know about this?
CAZ BARRETT (snort)
Anyone who’s ever been at the same events as me… which means just about everyone here. Most of the guys have probably helped me level ‘er at one time or another.
I heard you and the victim went way back.
CAZ BARRETT (nodding)
We used to have an act together.
Used to? What happened?
Are you implying I might’ve had a reason to kill Leo?
CAZ BARRETT (grimace)
Look, Detective, Leo was a better performer than I’ll ever be. I was holding him back.
He told you that?
God, no! Leo’d never have admitted that in a million years. If I hadn’t gotten out, he’d’ve gone on the way things were. (shrug) That’s the kinda guy he was.
Before WOODY can ask any more questions, there is a commotion nearby. Two mimes come into view. One is hurrying away from the other. The second mime reaches the first mime though and spins him around by the shoulder. They begin to have an argument. To WOODY’S amazement, they only use gestures, but it’s clear the argument is heated and acrimonious. After a great deal of gesticulation, the second mime stomps off, his eyes burning, his mouth tight and his long, gangly body quivering with tension. The first mime watches him go and then shakes his head. He walks off.
CAZ BARRETT (cont’d)
Now there’s the kinda guy who’d sell his own mother if it would get him ahead.
WOODY gives him a questioning look.
CAZ BARRETT (cont’d) (glaring)
Billy Butcher. The only reason he dares show his face at these things is the make-up.
Did he and Mr. Lyons ever have… words?
CAZ BARRETT (smirking)
Not that I… wait a minute… yeah. (nods) Yeah. I think so.
WOODY looks at the guy, one eyebrow raised, as if to say “Go on.”
CAZ BARRETT (cont’d) (snapping fingers)
First day here… yeah. (memory coming back) I didn’t see it. But Leo stopped by the booth. Mad as hell.
WOODY (taking notes)
And he said he’d had an argument with Billy?
CAZ BARRETT (nodding)
I’ve heard Billy called some names before, but man… Leo used a few I didn’t even know.
WOODY (smiling a little)
Did he happen to say what the argument was about?
CAZ BARRETT shakes his head.
WOODY (handing out another card)
Thank you, Mr. Barrett. Please call the number on that card if you think of anything else.
CAZ BARRETT (reading card)
Don’t let Bil - whoever did this get away it. Leo deserved better. Anyone here would say so.
WOODY looks a bit uncertain – mostly at the “say” part, but he has the tact not to make the obvious joke. Instead he simply nods.
WOODY searches the convention center and we see shots of him talking to some of the performers, but he can’t find Billy Butcher.
11. INT. LOBBY – CONTINUING
WOODY is standing close to the front entrance when he notices something: a poster
advertising Billy Butcher’s presence at the show. He leans over to study it. He
looks back up and sees an information booth, which he approaches. He has his shield
out to show the girl at the booth.
Hi. I’m Detective Woody Hoyt, BPD. (beat) Got a minute?
Yeah. I guess.
WOODY (pointing toward poster)
That poster over there… you guys make those up for the performers?
No. (shrug) They want something like that, they bring it in.
So… did Billy Butcher bring in any extras?
Sure. Made some lame-ass joke about the thing “speaking for itself.”
WOODY stifles a grin since the girl is so obviously contemptuous.
Great. I need one.
(looks at him like he’s nuts)
Uh… okay. Sure.
She goes to a bin toward the booth’s back and rummages through it until she finds
the appropriate item. As she hands it to WOODY, a thought occurs to her and we
see it flash across her face.
Oh… shit. You think he had something to do with what happened to Leo! Oh… wow. Wait til I tell-
I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone right now. You know, silence is golden.
The GIRL looks at him for a moment with a mixture of disappointment and mild scorn, but she finally caves in and smiles.
Jeez, this place is like Fort Knox then, huh?
WOODY gives her the dimpled smile and exits.
12. INT. KENNELS – CONTINUING
The dogs are being loaded into kennels for the night. The scene is a little slice of pandemonium, with owners trying to out-shout one another in giving specific directions to the attendants who will be on site overnight, dogs barking, some balking at going into the kennels, one even “escapes” and has to be chased by a frantic attendant and the owner. We tighten in on KATE, who is saying goodnight to BINKY. She looks uneasy, but eventually turns and walks away. We stay with BINKY, who watches her go and then, being an old hand – paw? – at this, settles himself down.
13. INT. KATE’S APARTMENT – EVENING
KATE has a glass of wine in one hand and what appears to be a bagel topped with
a number of very healthy items in the other. She is sitting at the bar area, studying
the day’s scores. If we thought she was focused before, we realize we didn’t know
focused until now. This is 33 Bullets, baseball-bat, you-owe-me-a-car
focus. There is a knock and she looks up, almost snarling. She doesn’t move, but
the knock comes again. This time the person is more insistent. KATE rolls her
eyes and mouths something that a lip reader would recognize as someone’s last
KATE (loudly grim)
Go away, Townsend!
NIGEL (other side of the door)
Oh, come on, Kate. Let me in.
Please? I’ve brought some of that expensive, sparkling water you like to toast the first day of the competition.
KATE gets up and walks to the door, which she flings open with such force that NIGEL jumps back a little.
I said, “Go away!”
NIGEL quirks up one eyebrow and gives her his most disarming grin.
Come on, luh… Kate. You don’t mean that.
I do mean that and don’t call me ‘love.’
You were going to. Now. Please. Go away.
NIGEL (changing his tone)
Really. I want to hear all about how the little nipper did today.
NIGEL is taken aback.
Her shoulders slump and she steps back, allowing NIGEL in.
Tell me about it?
KATE (appraising him)
What do you know about dog shows?
You take Binky to them. He wins. You come home with another ribbon.
If only. (shakes head) Not this time.
It’s really that bad?
He’s in second place.
Oh, no. That’s terr- (eyes widen) Second place?
KATE nods glumly.
Second? As in one off first?
KATE rolls her eyes.
Sorry, it’s just… well, second? It doesn’t seem… so…
Off of her look, he realizes he ought to drop it.
That’s not the worst part. (beat) It’s the dog that’s in first.
Ahhhh… That Belgian hydra one?
KATE (cracking a smile)
Brussels Griffon. Yeah.
You know, I looked them up after you told me about the little chap. Gotta say they’re cute.
Um… well, if you… like that sort of… look. (beat) Which… I… don’t.
No, no, no! I think it was Lily who said they were cute. (beat, smile)
KATE (her dejection showing more)
Well… Lily would say that. This one… it’s his owner.
NIGEL (commiserating face)
One of those?
She… She walked by today and… I don’t know. The dogs picked up on the tension between us and…
You had words?
KATE (rueful snort)
I believe Judge Blaine called it “caterwauling.”
KATE looks at him, totally confused.
NIGEL (cont’d) (rushing at first)
You know with the “cat- erwauling?” Cat – er… um… you know, at dog…? Yeah, never mind. (beat) Look, let’s open this bottle of (eyes it a bit grimly) lovely water and you can tell me all about it.
He shocks her by reaching up and stroking her cheek with one hand. She gives
him a look that is vulnerable and pleading, but vanishes quickly beneath her
usual façade. Nonetheless, she nods as the scene fades.
14. INT. ARENA KENNELS – AROUND 3:00 A.M.
The shot is very dark. A few of the dogs begin to stir. There are a few low
barks, a warning growl or two, that wake up the others. Soon most of the dogs
are barking. The noise is rising and the sound is one of animal panic. As the
crescendo comes, we hear an awful screaming noise before we hard cut to black.
END OF ACT TWO
15. INT. BUG’S OFFICE –MORNING
BUG is working on a report of some kind when WOODY enters, the poster under
his arm. BUG looks up and, from the stack of papers on his desk, pulls out a
report to hand to the detective. He nods toward the poster first though.
I don’t know. The vic and the guy on this thing had an argument.
WOODY unrolls the poster and shows BUG, who reads it over with his usual care.
BUG (reading aloud)
Billy Butcher, the Beautiful Buffoon.
Belligerent Buffoon is more like it.
BUG (continuing to read aloud)
Fifteen years experience miming, trained in France with Marcel Marceau. (whistles, impressed) That’s the Golden Ticket. (beat) Practiced magician, expert juggler, gifted contortionist… modest.
BUG (cont’d) (no longer reading)
Wow… look at these reviews.
Yeah, seems like he really knows what he’s doing.
So why’d he argue with Mr. Lyons?
That… I don’t know. I think Billy Boy was avoiding me. Couldn’t find him anywhere. (beat) You got anything off that… rod?
About what you’d expect. Too thin to hold prints, but the blood matches Mr. Lyons’ and the wound track is identical.
So it’s my murder weapon. (sigh) Doesn’t help me too much.
BUG is quiet for a moment.
BUG (realization dawning)
Maybe it does.
16. INT. ARENA KENNELS ANTEROOM – MORNING
The throng of dog owners is milling outside the closed doors to the kennel. There
is a hum of conversation and some tempers are flaring. From the ad-libbed phrases
we hear, it’s clear no one knows what’s going on and none of the show officials
have shown up to address the crowd. In short, the natives are restless. As happens
in crowds, a piece of information begins to circulate, quieting the crowd as it
makes its way through.
I don’t know! That’s what he said.
She points to a man near her.
OLDER WOMAN (comforting, a little anxious herself)
Well, I’m sure that’s not true. It’s just… not possible.
KATE elbows her way to this pair of people.
What is it? What have you heard?
YOUNG WOMAN (tearful, strident)
They’re saying one of the dogs is dead!
Her voice is loud enough to carry and a hush quickly falls in the room. It doesn’t last long before the crowd begins to panic in earnest.
Which… do you know which one?
The YOUNG WOMAN shakes her head, tears streaming down her face now.
OLDER WOMAN (still trying to be the comforter)
I’m sure it’s just a rumor. You know how-
Show officials have arrived and have honed in on one person. With grim, determined looks on their faces they are heading toward KATE, who holds her breath. Brusquely, without a word, they pass KATE, stopping a few feet away. We see SUSAN RICKLEFF. The officials lean in and address her in whispers. There is hardly a sound in the room now as everyone is trying to hear what’s going on. Abruptly, SUSAN breaks into a loud wailing.
Nooooooo! No! It’s not true! You don’t mean it! Oh, God….
One of the officials takes her arm gently and begins to lead her away, still wailing and claiming it’s not possible. She goes reluctantly, crying, shaking her head. No one says anything. SUSAN raises her eyes just as she is led past KATE. Fury blossoms in SUSAN’S expression and she lunges toward KATE.
You did this! This is your fault!
KATE (stepping back)
What? What are you talking about?
My Lembas is… is… gone! Because of you.
I didn’t – I wouldn’t-
Oh, yes, you would! You or that brillo pad of yours! (reaches out, tries to choke KATE) You’ll pay for this!
Contest officials manage to drag the bereaved woman away, leaving a shaken KATE, now standing alone, as others back away from her. Any relief she felt that BINKY is okay, is now heavily tinged with anxiety. She starts to say something to the two women who were talking with her, but they both turn away. One contest official returns with an ominous statement.
Ladies and gentlemen! Ladies and… (it quiets) thank you. The police have been called. They will be here shortly.
RANDOM CONTESTANT #1
RANDOM CONTESTANT #2
Is that necessary?
I’m sorry. Yes. Yes, it is.
RANDOM CONTESTANT #3
But why? Certainly an accident-
Unfortunately, this wasn’t an accident. (beat) The dog – The dog in question… had – had his throat ripped out.
A shocked gasp ripples through the crowd. KATE now has the color of chalk.
17. INT. BUG’S LAB – CONTINUING
BUG reaches for the Butcher poster. He puts his finger on one part of it, tapping
it for emphasis.
He’s a magician.
And he did one heck of a disappearing act. So?
Your weapon? I found out what it’s used for. (waits for WOODY to get impatient) For pushing things like scarves into compressed spaces.
WOODY gives him a “huh?” look.
You know, like when a magician crams four or five scarves into a tube and then pulls them out as one long scarf.
WOODY’S eyes are alight.
WOODY (satisfied smile)
Billy’s a magician.
BUG just nods.
18. INT. ARENA KENNELS ANTEROOM – ABOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
MATT SEELY walks in, trailed by OFFICIAL #1, who is trying to talk to him. SEELY
is ignoring him, largely as you might ignore a buzzing insect. He looks around,
not impressed with the crowd. He scowls slightly when he sees KATE, but begins
to make his way toward her. He takes out a notepad.
Dr. Switzer. Where’s the body?
KATE (in a mild state of shock)
Huh? Wha-? (finally sees SEELY) Oh. You.
Yeah, I’m thrilled to see you, too. (beat) The body?
KATE gives him a questioning headshake.
Bo-dy? Corpse? The thing you slice and dice. Where is it?
She gives a vague wave toward the kennel proper.
In there. I guess.
You guess? What the hell is going on here?
They didn’t tell you?
All I know is I got a call that someone important to the mayor’s wife was here, needed a homicide detective. (looks around) You’re here from the M.E.’s office… right?
KATE shakes her head.
It’s… um… one of the dogs.
SEELY cleans his ear, as if he hadn’t heard her correctly.
A dog? Did you just say it’s a dog?
Yeah. Uh… Lembas. A Brussels Griffon. He and – and my – my dog… they… um-
Wait a minute. Wait just a minute! This is about a dog?
A Brussels Griffon. He-
I don’t believe this. (shakes his head) What are you doing here?
KATE (coming out of shock a bit)
Showing my dog.
19. INT. AUTOPSY TWO – LATE MORNING
JORDAN is dressed in scrubs, hair up, ready to go. She crosses to the autopsy
table, her brows knitting down a little at the small size under the sheet. She
grimaces a bit – no one told her it was a baby. She grabs the chart and her confusion
deepens as she reads the single name and age of 6 years. She reads a bit more,
taking in items like height, weight, eye and hair color and finally, throws off
the sheet, revealing LEMBAS. She arches one eyebrow and looks around. She re-covers
the body, nods once sharply, and pulls the sheet back again.
JORDAN jumps a little. GARRET’S stealth moves are getting really stealthy.
Geez, man. Don’t do that! (beat) You know anything about this?
GARRET grins more widely and walks over to the table.
This? Come on, Jordan, where’s your respect for the dead? This,
as you so coldly called him, is Lembas.
This is a dog.
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Not just any dog. A champion Brussels Griffon.
All right, this is a joke, right? Trying to make me think the brain tumor was back or something?
No, no, no. Actually (gestures at body) this is for real. Lembas here belongs… belonged to the mayor’s wife’s cousin.
I can see that. (beat) That still doesn’t explain why he’s here.
GARRET (exaggerated patience)
Because the mayor called the Chief of Police, who called Seely’s captain, who told Seely to get down to the scene, who sent the body here so you can find out what killed him.
JORDAN (eyebrow arched again)
I’m saying he had his throat ripped out. Good?
Unfortunately, no. (beat) This happened in the middle of the night in a supposedly secure kennel. And the owner is claiming another dog and its owner had something to do with it.
You’re telling me this dog was murdered?
Who’s the accused?
JORDAN’S eyes go wide.
As in Kate Switzer’s dog.
20. INT. AUTOPSY TWO – SOME TIME LATER
JORDAN is examining LEMBAS’ body. To her credit, once over her disbelief, she
puts her usual professionalism into it. She barely glances up as NIGEL comes through
Not now, Nige.
Ooooh, someone’s cranky.
Someone’s autopsying a dog.
JORDAN (growls again)
A dog. Four-legged things. They bark a lot and chew on your favorite
pair of shoes.
NIGEL sidles up to her, knowing her bark is way worse than her bite in this case.
Why ya’ autopsying a dog?
NIGEL stops and looks at what he can see of the animal. Color drains from his face. He grabs the file from the table behind JORDAN and scans it.
Oh, dear Lord. (looks around) Kate must be… I’ve got to call her.
JORDAN (a little softer)
Try the precinct.
JORDAN (looks up at him)
Seely took her – and Binky – in for questioning.
He can’t think that – that Kate would… would-
I – uh – if you see Dr. Macy…?
JORDAN (smiling a bit)
Yeah. I’ll tell him.
NIGEL exits and JORDAN gives her full attention back to the body. She leans in closer, really looking at the throat injury now.
INT. AUTOPSY TWO – APPROXIMATELY AN HOUR LATER
JORDAN is finishing sewing up LEMBAS’ body. She looks up as the door bangs open and SEELY strides in.
A new appreciation for veterinary medicine?
JORDAN snaps off her gloves and dumps them. She takes time to recover LEMBAS with the sheet, both out of respect and because it irritates SEELY to be kept waiting.
C.O.D. was exsanguination, due to the wound in his throat.
Was his throat… ripped open?
I took photos of the teeth marks. Swabs. There were some fibers and hairs, too. Sidney’s running the samples.
Time of death?
You’re serious? (beat) Okay, well I looked up a veterinarian pathology website. My best guess is between midnight and five a.m.
Nothing more definite?
Not unless you want to wait while I go to vet school.
SEELY (changing tack)
Can you tell me anything about the teeth?
They were sharp.
SEELY glares again.
JORDAN (cont’d) (sighing)
You should talk to a vet or breeder or someone.
I’d guess they were made by a small dog.
Thanks. I guess. (deep breath) I think the captain really hates me.
(can’t resist the dig)
You know what they say. (beat) Every dog has its day.
21. INT. PRECINCT INTERROGATION ONE – LATE AFTERNOON
KATE is seated at the interrogation table, a cup of coffee in front of her.
At her feet, crated, is BINKY. SEELY enters and takes a seat. He has a recorder
and is getting ready to set it up for the interview. KATE watches in stony silence.
She is unaware that NIGEL is on the other side of the glass. SEELY has his recorder
going and, in a monotone, gives the basic information before looking at KATE.
I need to remind you, Dr. Switzer, that you’re entitled to a lawyer-
This is ridiculous.
Reminding you of your Miranda rights?
This whole… “proceeding.” It’s a joke.
SEELY (under his breath)
I couldn’t agree more. (raising his voice) I’m sorry you feel that way, Doctor. I still need to ask you some questions, starting with if you’d like a lawyer present.
No. I don’t need a lawyer. And neither does my dog!
Doctor Switzer, I have the necropsy results and… well, the wounds in the deceased’s neck are consistent with the bite of a small dog.
That kennel was full of small dogs. They were in the toy breeds section!
Be that as it may, given the… history you and Ms. Rickleff have, I need to get some samples from your… animal.
The usual. Hair, DNA, a mold of his teeth.
KATE (verging on angry hysterics)
Oh, yeah, the usual!
Oh, and the clothes you were wearing last night. (looks her over) And today.
This is insane. You know that, right? Just because I had an argument with Susan Rickleff doesn’t mean that – that I’d – kill her dog!
Witnesses have said there’ve been several arguments and that the deceased – uh – won several competitions lately in which both… competitors were entered.
So what? They’re just… oh, God…. I can’t believe this.
NIGEL looks really worried. He takes another look through the mirror at KATE,
as she is now uncrating BINKY, getting ready to give SEELY the samples he wants.
His expression on her behalf is fairly heartbreaking. He takes out his cell phone
and places a call.
Jordan? (beat) Yeah, that’s where I am. Look, I need a favor. (beat) Get me copies of everything you gave Seely.
He looks back to the mirror and focuses on KATE as he speaks.
I’m going to prove that Binky and Kate had nothing to do with this.
INT. JORDAN’S OFFICE – LATE AFTERNOON JORDAN is staring at WOODY, who’s holding
out the handset of her office phone.
The department will reimburse the Morgue, I swear.
Do you know what time it is in Paris? Add six hours, Woody.
So? We’re talking theater people. They’re probably just getting up!
JORDAN gives him an aggravated sigh.
Assuming I can get a hold of anyone, why am I calling again?
I told you. This guy – Billy Butcher – his promo stuff says he studied in France. With that really famous mime guy.
I went back and talked with our vic’s best friend. Our vic did
study in France with-
-with that really famous mime guy. Yeah. So?
Our vic was there at the time Butcher claims he was there. But
(triumphant) the best friend says the vic never mentioned Butcher.
Jordan, Butcher’s the sort of guy you’d mention if you’d met before.
She gives up with a sigh and begins dialing the number WOODY has given her.
By the way, when did you learn French?
JORDAN (secret smile)
Oh, you know… I sort of… picked it up after the Italian. (blushes faintly) Learning… Italian.
WOODY nods, seemingly satisfied. He can hear something from the phone and leans in.
Shhh! (beat) Allo? Allo? Bonne nuit… um… je suis… euh… excusez-moi – je m’appelle Jordan Cavanaugh. Je suis … merde. Oh! No, no, no… (glares at WOODY) Um… je travaille avec la police à Boston. (pause and then she smiles a bit) Oui, Boston, Massachusetts. (another pause) Merci.
She rolls her eyes and mouths “She likes Boston.”
More eye rolls and mouths again “A lot.”
Euhhh… excusez-moi, j’ai une question.
WOODY is looking both impressed and impatient.
JORDAN (cont’d) (struggling for phrase)
Au sujet… uh… de l’école de … um… de… mime. (laughs at herself). Un étudiant, en réalité. (pause) Vous avez une liste? (smiles at WOODY) Oui, un étudiant de 1993, peut-être un an ou deux avant ou après… (long beat) (to WOODY) She’s looking for that- Ah, oui! Um… Monsieur Billy Butcher. (another long pause) Vous êtes sure? Un autre nom, s’il vous plaît? (short pause) Leo Lyons. (medium pause) Merci beaucoup! (beat) Moi? Euhhh… j’adore les mimes! (beat) Merci!
She hangs up and waggles her eyebrows at WOODY
What’s it worth to you? (beat) Unless he used a different name, Billy Butcher never studied with Marcel Marceau… but Leo Lyons did.
WOODY smiles at her and gives her a quick kiss before turning to dart from the room.
Hey! That’s all I get?
WOODY (from the doorway)
We’ll have a nice quiet night together tomorrow.
I noticed on the last night of the convention there’s a big show of all the... talent.
JORDAN groans and waves him away.
After he’s gone, she sits down at her desk and look at a report – the necropsy- on her desk, shaking her head as she does so.
“Dear Diary… today I autopsied a dog, heard that Matt Seely arrested a Dandie Dinmount Terrier, looked like the “good” girl to Kate Switzer’s “bad” one and helped Woody solve a case by calling a French mime school.” (chuckles) This is one for the record books!
23. INT. AUTOPSY TWO – ABOUT HALF AN HOUR LATER
JORDAN is working on her full report on the Autopsy computer. The door opens to
admit NIGEL and KATE. JORDAN stands up and moves to intercept them.
You can’t be in here. I mean, if it were up to me….
NIGEL and KATE exchange looks. Without a word, KATE turns around and marches out, followed by NIGEL and JORDAN, grabbing a manila envelope.
24. INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUING
JORDAN gives NIGEL the envelope.
Everything’s in there.
KATE looks between the two of them.
NIGEL turns to her and puts his hands on her shoulders.
I’m going to prove that neither you nor Binky had anything to do with this.
NIGEL shakes his head, stopping her.
I’m going to do this. (smiles at her) For the two of you.
Before KATE can protest any more, he turns and takes off down the hall. KATE sighs and turns back to JORDAN.
I can’t believe all this.
Tell me about it!
They kept Binky, you know. (beat) Seely had a mug shot taken. And prints. (sigh) They got ink in his fur.
That’s… that’s too bad.
KATE shakes her head, as if to clear it.
What did you find out?
JORDAN (deep breath)
You know I can’t tell you anything.
KATE considers this for a moment and then nods reluctantly.
Pretty bizarre, huh?
JORDAN (soft grin)
You being the… bad girl? Me being the good one?
Yeah. (long beat) Buy you a drink?
As long as it’s not a Salty Dog.
They share a look and low chuckles and then begin walking down the hallway.
I don’t even have an alibi.
That’s better than waking up covered in blood, next to the victim.
I guess so.
They continue to adlib as they get onto the elevator and the doors close.
25. INT. TRACE – FOLLOWING MORNING
SIDNEY is running a comparison on the computers. JORDAN walks in and comes to
study the screen.
This the cast of Kate’s dog’s teeth…?
… and the bites that killed the other dog? Yeah.
SIDNEY (shaking his head)
They’re a match.
JORDAN looks more closely at the screen and then closes her eyes briefly.
END OF ACT FOUR
Our Lips Are Sealed - The Go-Gos
26.INT. INTERROGATION ONE – MORNING
WOODY is sitting at the table across from a tall, gangly man. This is BILLY
BUTCHER, devoid of his mime make-up and outfit. WOODY has his notes in front
of him, pretending to consult them as he prepares to question the suspect.
So you and Leo had an argument… a couple days ago?
He had a temper.
Really? Hmmm… that’s not what I’ve heard. (beat) Or seen.
BILLY shifts in his chair.
See I was at the convention this morning when you and (checks notes) Mr. Roberts had that little… spat. (beat) He have a temper, too?
BILLY doesn’t reply. WOODY gives a little shrugs and tries a new tack, lulling BILLY into thinking WOODY knows less than he does.
This argument. The one with Leo. What was it about?
I don’t remember.
Maybe I can refresh your memory.
WOODY stands up and exits, leaving BILLY to sit and wonder for a minute or two. When WOODY comes back he has the promo poster in hand. He unrolls it on the table and places a finger on the phrase that claims BILLY studied with Marcel Marceau.
This is what it was about, wasn’t it?
BILLY gives WOODY a hard look. He reads the print again and seems to come to a decision.
I want my lawyer.
Okay. That’s fine. Let’s get your lawyer in here and then he can hear the whole story, too. (beat) He can hear how you’ve made a career based on a lie, how you must have thought enough time had finally passed that you could advertise your… your pedigree. (long beat) But it wasn’t safe, was it? Because Leo really did study with the grand pooh bah and the minute he saw this poster he knew you were a phony.
BILLY glares up at WOODY, his jaw working silently.
WOODY (cont’d) (almost conversationally)
I gotta tell you, though, sticking that – that thing through his ear. Man. That takes some pretty cold blood. So did you plan it or did it just happen? That’s the only thing I can’t quite figure out.
BILLY shakes his head.
WOODY stands up. He is still in a seemingly affable, almost laid back mood, but we know him well enough to know that he’s about to go in for the kill. He’s pacing a little in front of the table and his voice is still conversational.
Want me to tell you what I think happened? (short beat) See,
I talked to the convention’s director and he told me Leo wanted to talk
to him. Was supposed to talk to him, actually, after a demonstration. Only
Leo never showed up. You know what else I found out? (another short beat)
I found out you were giving a magic demonstration in the next room
and it ended at the same time as Leo’s. So what I think is you
caught up with Leo, rammed that thing through his head and then dumped the
body until you could clean up a bit.
You don’t have any proof.
Yeah? I don’t know. When my guys executed the search warrant I got, they noticed a couple things. The rod you used to push the scarves down in that tube thing? It’s brand new. Shiny. But the rest of your magic stuff is kinda old, a little tattered. (beat) And then there’s the fact that the outfit you wore that night – one a whole roomful of people saw you wearing – is gone. Now you probably tossed it in the trash, figuring it would get dumped before anyone was on to you. Too bad the dumpsters over there won’t be emptied until tomorrow. (beat) Well, too bad for you.
BILLY slumps, defeated. He shakes his head slowly.
None of this would’ve happened if he could’ve just left it alone.
Or if you hadn’t lied.
BILLY shakes his head, unwilling to accept responsibility. WOODY regards him coldly – we all know he doesn’t have patience for people who try to deny accountability for their crimes. Without another word, WOODY leaves.
27.INT. ARENA KENNELS – SAME TIME
NIGEL is poking around the kennel area, wearing his M.E. badge in a conspicuous
place in case anyone questions his right to be there. He’s comparing the numbers
on the cages to the ones in the report. He can’t find any evidence of tampering
on either BINKY’S cage or LEMBAS’. He continues down the line, thinking if he
can prove another dog guilty that would still help BINKY’S case. The toe of his
shoe kicks something that goes skittering across the cement floor. NIGEL’S gaze
follows it. The item is white and shiny and oddly shaped. He drops to one knee
and, with a gloved hand, picks it up.
What have we here?
He’s smiling as he drops the item into a collection bag.
28. INT. TRACE – ABOUT AN HOUR LATER
NIGEL is smiling at his find from the arena. LILY comes in.
Hey. Have you seen Bug?
NIGEL shakes his head and gestures excitedly for her to come look.
LILY (looking at the evidence)
What is it?
What’s it look like?
A tooth. With… ew… blood on it.
Yeah. I’m sure the blood is from that dog.
Oh, that adorable little one that they think Kate’s dog killed?
NIGEL (a bit sharply)
Binky didn’t have anything to do with that. (regains a little control) And this should prove it.
LILY (cautiously now)
It’s not – not… his?
NIGEL taps the tooth with a metal instrument. The tooth gives a sound akin to silverware against a plate.
Not unless Binky’s got dentures.
LILY looks more closely at the tooth, forgetting her earlier squeamishness.
It’s not real?
NIGEL (shaking his head)
Not even close.
But it came from the – the dog that – that attacked the dead one?
No, luv. (off her confusion) This came from a very expensive set of fake teeth. One wielded by a human hand.
29. INT. PRECINCT INTERROGATION ONE – AFTERNOON
SEELY is once again in the room, sitting at the table, with a folder in front
of him. Across from him is a man of about forty. He looks affable and relaxed,
happy to help with the police enquiry.
So… let me make sure I have this straight, Mr. Wallace. You have a toy poodle that you show.
MR. WALLACE (proudly)
That’s right, Detective.
And your poodle – Steinbeck – is a champion.
MR. WALLACE (face shows regret)
Sadly, no. Not yet.
Yeah, sorry, it’s right here. Shoulda’ seen that. (smiling) He’s come in third how many times now?
MR. WALLACE (a bit wary)
I – um – That is… I don’t really know.
SEELY (eyebrows arching)
Really? Wow, from what I’ve learned the last couple days, these
things are pretty serious. Seems like most of the other owners could just
about tell me every remark ever made about their dogs, not to mention the
ribbons they’d won.
MR. WALLACE (waves dismissive hand)
Maybe others, Detective. Not me.
SEELY (nodding again)
Admirable. (beat) So you just go for the fun of it? It’s never bothered you that Binky and Lembas routinely beat Steinbeck?
MR. WALLACE doesn’t answer.
SEELY (turning page in folder)
You never learned that Dr. Switzer always has her dog’s teeth whitened before a competition. You certainly wouldn’t be… worried enough to bribe someone at the vet’s office to make an impression of Binky’s teeth. And (reading another page) the check we have here to … what is it? Oh, yeah… “Porcelain Prizes” wouldn’t be for the set of fake teeth used to rip out Lembas’ throat.
MR. WALLACE sputters ineffectually.
And my guys didn’t find those teeth – minus the one you left at the scene – in your car when they executed a search warrant half an hour ago.
There is a long silence in the room.
Duval Wallace, I’m placing you under arrest for destruction of personal property valued over $5,000. You have the right to remain….
FADE TO BLACK
30. INT. JORDAN’S APARTMENT – DINNER TIME
We hear a key scrape in the lock and JORDAN enters. Her face registers surprise
as the shot swings around to WOODY, who is cooking. She smiles.
I thought you were still on tonight.
I traded with Framus.
Framus? What did that take?
You don’t want to know.
JORDAN walks into the kitchen and hugs him. As they break apart, she looks at what he’s cooking. Her brows crinkle down.
What’s all this?
Without you, I couldn’t have solved my case. (shrugs) I made you dinner.
JORDAN inspects the food and then looks at him, one eyebrow arched.
WOODY (cont’d) (pointing to the various dishes)
French toast. French fries. French bread.
JORDAN (dubious look)
Woody, this isn’t-
C'est Lui Que Mon Couer A Choisi - Edith Piaf
The doorbell rings, cutting her off. WOODY grins as he goes to answer it. He blocks
the door with his body, but gives whoever is at the door some money. When he turns
back around, he’s holding a bag with writing on the side. JORDAN reads it and
her eyes go wide.
You didn’t seem too enthusiastic about the show at the convention center.
JORDAN (grinning now)
You know, Woody… je t’aime.
WOODY looks speculatively at her.
Is that a good thing?
What’s it mean?
JORDAN slides into his embrace.
I’ll show you.
They share a long, deep kiss as the shot widens until it encompasses her entire
We watch them pull apart and begin to take the containers out of the bag; we
hear ad-libbed, good natured talking as we fade.
31. INT. KATE’S APARTMENT – THAT EVENING
KATE is bedraggled and a bit breathless. She also appears decidedly damp. We
pan down to see her wrestling a waterlogged BINKY into a, extra-large, luxurious,
monogrammed towel. She’s smiling and making silly faces at the dog. The bell
rings. She stands up, telling BINKY to stay. He barks once when KATE answers
the door. It’s NIGEL. This time he’s carrying a bottle of champagne and has
a package of high-end dog biscuits. KATE wastes no time in throwing her arms
around his neck and kissing his cheek. NIGEL is a bit surprised. KATE is looking
at him with new eyes. Her smile is as bright as we’ve ever seen it. You might
even call it “unspoiled.” One or the other is about to say something incredibly
tender and romantic when all of a sudden, they are shrieking and pulling apart.
We pan down to see that BINKY is standing next to them, enthusiastically shaking
the water from his bath off – and all over them.
KATE and NIGEL look down at the offending dog, decide it’s no big deal and
laugh. When they’ve recovered, KATE points to the items NIGEL is still holding.
Well, I was thinking we’d share the bubbly, but if you want the biscuits….
She smiles again. When KATE is happy, her smile is dazzling.
‘Course, you might not want him to have them… the biscuits. Competition and all.
KATE shakes her head and pulls away. She leads BINKY back to the towel and chafes him again.
KATE (looking up)
Actually, I’ve come to a decision.
NIGEL (sly, hopeful)
Yeah. (beat to look at dog) Binky’s taking some time off. He’s just – He’s going to be a house pet.
NIGEL (a bit disappointed, but not much)
Really? And how does he feel about that?
BINKY breaks free again and runs as fast as his short legs will carry him toward NIGEL. He launches himself at the package of dog biscuits.
I think he’s okay with it.
She stands up and folds the towel. If the dog gets things wet, it’s no big deal. They’ll all dry.
NIGEL (softly, with understanding)
And how do you feel about that?
KATE considers that for a moment.
I’m okay with it, too.
She takes the champagne and heads toward the kitchen.